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Tucker Carlson Leaves Fox For Higher Calling

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After years of being a prominent figure in the conservative media world, Tucker Carlson has made the shocking announcement that he will be leaving Fox News to pursue a new calling: the ministry.

Sources close to Carlson suggest that he is deeply troubled by the role he played in spreading fear, lies, conspiracy theories and disinformation during his time on television. He believes that he has a responsibility to atone for his sins and to help undo the harm he’s caused. 

“He’s been struggling with this for a while,” said a source who spoke on condition of anonymity. “He’s been talking to pastors and other religious leaders, trying to find a way to make things right.”

According to those same sources, Carlson’s decision to leave Fox News was motivated by his fear of going to hell.

“He’s always been a deeply religious person,” the source said. “But he’s been feeling more and more guilty about what he’s done. He’s worried that he’s going to spend eternity paying for the division he’s caused in our country.”

While some may be skeptical of Carlson’s sudden conversion, those who know him best say that he is sincere in his desire to repent and make amends.

“He’s a man of conviction,” said one friend. “He’s always been passionate about what he believes, and now he’s applying that passion to his faith.”

As for Fox News, the network is reportedly in a state of shock over Carlson’s sudden departure. After all, “Tucker Carlson Tonight” was the highest-rated cable news show for years. Fox has already started conducting a nationwide search to find a new host who is willing to take on the responsibility of spreading hate and lies to the American public.

“Whoever replaces Tucker is going to have some big shoes to fill,” said one Fox executive. “We need someone who can lie with conviction and fear-monger with the best of them.”

A replacement, however, might not be so difficult for Fox News to find. There are plenty of unscrupulous “newsmen” out there who have no fear of eternal damnation and would gladly sell their souls for some mega bucks.

As for Friar Tucker, our thoughts and prayers are with you, man!

Mike Lindell Pulls Fast One On 5 Million Dollar Winner

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Ask any trial lawyer about the most misunderstood aspect of civil litigation and the answer is usually this… while a client may win a monetary award, it’s a whole other thing collecting the cash.

It appears this is the lesson learned by Bob Zeidman, the man who successful proved, through arbitration, Mike Lindell is full of BS. If you remember, the My Pillow guy offered a $5 million payment to anyone who could prove his “data” about massive election interference in the 2020 presidential election was bogus. He called it the “Prove Mike Wrong” contest.

Now, in a shocking turn of events, My Pillow CEO Mike Lindell has actually “made good” on his promise! However, instead of writing a check for $5 million, Lindell decided to pay the award in the form of My Pillow products.

Zeidman, the recipient of this unique compensation, is a software developer who had publicly criticized Lindell’s claims. Zeidman was initially skeptical when he heard about Lindell’s offer, but after conducting extensive research, he was able to conclusively prove that Lindell’s evidence of election fraud was nothing but smoke and mirrors.

“I was really surprised when Lindell offered to pay me in My Pillow products,” Zeidman said in a recent interview. “My initial reaction was to tell the guy to go stuff it, but after my lawyer did a thorough review of his financial situation, I realized this was probably the best I was going to do.”

Zeidman was given a truckload of My Pillow products, including pillows, sheets, and mattress toppers. While the total value of the products was said to be $5 million, many experts have expressed doubt that they are actually worth that much.

Some have speculated that Lindell may have inflated the value of the products in order to save face after his claims were debunked. Others have suggested that he simply has too much My Pillow inventory and is trying to offload it in any way he can.

Either way, Zeidman says he’s happy he won his case and was able to collect something. When asked what he plans to do with all those pillows, he chuckled and replied, “I don’t know, maybe I’ll build the mother of all pillow forts and live in it forever.”

Photo | Lev Radin/Sipa USA/AP Images

Walker Or Warnock …  A Difficult Choice For Georgia

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With two eminently qualified candidates, it is easy to see why, with just a few days before Georgia’s runoff election, the U.S. Senate race between Herschel Walker and Raphael Warnock is considered a toss-up.

Raphael Warnock, the current U.S. senator from Georgia, is fighting to keep his seat against one of the state’s greatest sports heroes, Herschel Walker.

The Democratic candidate, Warnock, was elected to the Senate on January 5, 2021 by winning in another runoff race against Republican candidate, Kelly Loeffler. In his two years serving as Georgas’s senator, Warnock has distinguished himself as an articulate, effect lawmaker. He is not only a pastor, but the pastoral heir of Martin Luther King Jr. at Atlanta’s Ebenezer Baptist Church. He has made his life’s work fighting against systematic racism. Warnock is a strong champion of LGBTQ+ rights, voting rights and reproductive rights.

On the other hand, Republican candidate, Herschel Walker, starred as a running back at the University of Georgia, winning the Heisman Trophy in his junior year. He went on to a successful professional career playing in both the USFL and the NFL. While he is not as articulate as Warnock, with most of his speeches turning into incomprehensible word salads, Georgians love him nonetheless. Did you know as a junior at the University of Georgia, Walker rushed for 1,752 yards and 16 touchdowns while leading the Bulldogs to an 11-0 regular season record and a national matchup against Penn State in the Sugar Bowl?

Even though some are questioning his lack of political experience, Walker is following in the footsteps of his biggest backer, Donald Trump, who also lacked any political experience when he successfully ran for the presidency in 2016. As many Republican voters will quickly point out, and as they say Trump proved, political experience is so overrated!

To use a football term, the Senate runoff race in Georgia, on December 6, has come down to a “coin flip.” Who is best positioned to represent the great state of Georgia in the United States Senate … a civil rights hero or a sports hero? Tough one, Georgia!

Photo | Bill Barrow/Associated Press