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Trump Demands Weather Service Retract Its Weekend Forecast

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Donald Trump has asked the National Weather Service to retract its weekend forecast calling for rain as it would interfere with his golf plans.

“I hate playing in the rain,” said Trump. “I’ll admit it, I’m not a mudder.”

Trump has a long history of attacking any news source that gives him bad news. Earlier today, his campaign demanded CNN apologize for reporting on a poll that shows Biden beating him badly.

The National Weather Service (NWS) is the official weather bureau of the United States, founded on February 9, 1870.

Sources at the bureau have refused comment.

Photo | businessinsider.com

Markets Rise Dramatically Following Trump’s Sudden Resignation

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The Dow Industrial Average gained a staggering 9,000 points following the unexpected White House announcement Trump has resigned the presidency. Stocks recovered nearly all their recent losses since setting their all-time high of 29,551.42 on February 12, 2020.

In a tweet, Trump indicated he made the move because he felt it to be in the best interests of the country:

I hereby resign the Office of President of the United States. For the good of the country, the office will now be in the capable hands of President Mike Pence and his awesome pardoning powers.

This is indeed an ironic turn following Trump’s often repeated prediction the markets would “crash” if he were ever to be removed from office.

It was only six months ago Trump boasted in a tweet, “Do you think it was luck that got us to the best Stock Market and Economy in our history. It wasn’t.”

 My, oh my, how things can turn on a dime!

The soon-to-be-president Pence has yet to comment on the dramatic turn of events. It appears the announcement caught him, as it did all Americans, by surprise.

“I had no forewarning … really, I mean it,” said Pence.

Speculation is already rampant of what a Pence presidency, and Kushner vice presidency, will look like.

Photo | slopes.com/AP-Evan Vucci

After Bombshell Bolton Book Leak, Publisher Wants Full Return Of Advance

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According to an unpublished manuscript of John Bolton’s upcoming book obtained by the New York Times, the former National Security Advisor claims Donald Trump directly told him he would withhold military aid to Ukraine until Ukrainian President Zelensky agreed to deliver politically motivated investigations into the Bidens.

This may be good news for Democrats seeking to compel Bolton’s testimony in Trump’s impeachment trial but it is very bad news for Bolton.

It has been reported that Bolton’s multi-million dollar book deal with Simon & Schuster carried a whopping $2 million advance. The publisher now wants the money returned.

A spokesperson for Simon & Schuster says the value of the book was based on Bolton’s explanation of the “drug deal” he purportedly told Fiona Hill about, of which he wanted no part. Many assumed the comment related to the scheme Gordon Sondland and Mick Mulvaney were cooking up to pressure Zelensky into announcing investigations into the Bidens, Burisma. 

“The cat’s out of the bag,” said the spokesperson. “Who would want to read the book now?”

A close friend of the former Trump advisor has revealed Bolton doesn’t have the money, having spent it all on a high-tech security system for his Bethesda, Maryland home and on 24-hour bodyguards.

Photo | france24.com/abcnews.go.com