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Growing Concern Over Melania GOP Convention Speech … Who Will She Endorse?

August 20, 2020 by John DeProspo 1 Comment

She never wanted any of it.

Melania Trump was perfectly happy living in her gilded tower high above New York’s Fifth Avenue. The woman who some have described as the most reluctant First Lady is scheduled to give a speech at next week’s Republican National Convention. It is being reported she will deliver her speech from the newly renovated White House Rose Garden.

Campaign officials are worried because, unlike in the past, Melania has decided to write her own speech. Alarmingly, she has refused to share it with anyone.

It is no great mystery that Melania Trump is not a happy camper. We see it in her dour face. We see it when she refuses to hold her husband’s hand in public. Does she simple loathe her husband or does she hate the whole business of politics? No one really knows.

Gossips are speculating the First Lady will file for divorce the first chance she gets after leaving the Peoples’ House. They remind us of how Melania initially refused to move to the White House after her husband’s inauguration so that son Barron “could finish school in New York.” It has been reported that Melania used her holdout as leverage for renegotiating her prenuptial agreement with Trump.

What concerns Trump’s campaign staff the most is that the First Lady might go rogue and do the unthinkable during her speech … announce she is endorsing Joe Biden!

“Enough is enough” might not just be a catch phrase for Democrats.

Photo | graziadaily.co.uk

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: campaign speech, endorse Biden, Melania Trump, Republican National Convention, satire

Charles Schwab To Supply Covid Test Kits

August 9, 2020 by John DeProspo Leave a Comment

Financial executive, Charles Schwab, founder of the Charles Schwab Corporation, has offered to supply the country with 1 million covid-19 test kits.

“There is a severe shortage of swabs,” said Schwab. “I want to help stem the spread of this deadly disease so I am buying 1 million kits and making them available to all … especially to those areas hardest hit by the virus. I know it’s a small step but it’s the least I can do.”

Schwab’s generosity has been met with great gratitude. It has also given birth to the following tongue twister:

Charles Schwab’s swabs are a small step in stemming the spread of the sickness but Schwab’s swabs seriously, and surely, will save souls

Now see if you can say that three times fast!

Photo | businessinsider.com

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: Charles Schwab, covid-19, satire, testing kits, tongue twister

Unable To Stop Bolton Book, Trump Threatens To Sue Anyone Who Buys It

June 20, 2020 by John DeProspo 6 Comments

He’s at it again.

Now that a judge has ruled John Bolton can publish his tell-all book, the man who elevated the filing of frivolous lawsuits into an art form is threatening to sue anyone who has the nerve to buy a copy of the juicy memoir.

Donald Trump has never been a man to take rejection lightly. Whenever he has found himself up against a wall, he threatens to take legal action.

Yes, Trump might be forced to file millions of lawsuits but that won’t stop the “king of litigation.”

Writing in today’s Washington Post, Dana Milbank gives a great summary of all the people or entities Trump has sued or threatened to sue:

“Since 2015, Trump, his business or the Republican Party have sued or threatened to sue MSNBC, NBC, the Associated Press, the Daily Beast, Univision, an anti-Trump T-shirt maker, authors Michael Wolff and David Cay Johnston, Texas Sen. Ted Cruz (R), former Ohio governor John Kasich (R), a Jeb Bush supporter, a super PAC, the Republican Party, sanctuary cities, former aide Steve Bannon, former Senate Democratic leader Harry Reid, the U.S. Golf Association, a 92-year-old widow in Scotland, the women who alleged he sexually assaulted them, the co-author of his own memoir, the Club for Growth, the Culinary Workers Union, the National Hispanic Media Coalition, the organizer of a “Dump Trump” campaign, the city of Minneapolis, and an artist who painted a nude of him.”

“Before that, he sued or threatened to sue the Los Angeles Times, USA Today, a Chicago Tribune architecture critic, Bill Maher, the now-deceased rapper Mac Miller, the Village Voice, ABC and the BBC, a random Twitter user, a woman critical of Trump University, a critic of his golf courses, a Miss USA contestant, Rosie O’Donnell, the Obama Justice Department, and the Onion.”

Milbank, surprisingly, failed to mention the time Trump threatened to sue Mother Teresa.

For Trump, the underlying motive for his litigation threats is intimidation. Trump believes the mere mention of the word “lawsuit,” and all the costs it entails, will stop people with perfectly winnable cases from taking him on.

As Milbank ends his piece, “If you can’t beat ‘em, sue ‘em.”

Photo | skynews.com

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: book, Donald Trump, John Bolton, lawsuit, litigation, publication, sue, tell-all book

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