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Behind Closed Doors, Barr Reads Trump Four-Page Summary Of Bolton Book

June 18, 2020 by John DeProspo 1 Comment

Donald Trump is furious.

It appears his efforts to stop John Bolton from publishing his tell-all book are a tad too little, too late. “The Room Where it Happened: A White House Memoir” is scheduled to be released next Tuesday, June 23rd, and explosive excerpts from the book have already been made available to the press. 

The New York Times and the Washington Post have both reviewed the book. The juicy memoir already tops Amazon’s bestseller list.

In an effort to allay his anger, Attorney General, William Barr, prepared a four-page summary of the nearly 500-page tome which he read to Trump in the privacy and security of the White House bunker.

As Donald Trump does not read books, Barr’s summary will be the closest he comes to knowing about the book’s contents. As such, Barr’s portrayal carries a lot of weight with the aliterate Trump.

White House sources have revealed that Barr’s summary appears to have appeased the infuriated Trump. They report Barr characterized Bolton’s book as just another “he said, she said piece of garbage” and that it “completely exonerates him.”  

Because the book is starting to alter even his bases’s perception of him, it is being reported that Trump might break form and actually listen to the book once it’s made available on audible.com.

Photo | foxnews.com

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: "The Room Where It Happened:A White House Memoir", Donald Trump, four-page summary, John Bolton, memoir, William Barr

Staring At Hard Times, Tucker Carlson May Be Forced To Sell Bow Tie Collection

June 14, 2020 by John DeProspo 2 Comments

Things have not been going well for Tucker Carlson lately. The star of Fox News’ Tucker Carlson Tonight is losing more advertisers by the day over his increasingly inflammatory rhetoric about Black Lives Matter protests.  Most recently, it was T-Mobile and Papa John’s Pizza that pulled the plug on his show.

The situation has gotten so bad that the Fox News celebrity is contemplating the unthinkable … selling his large collection of bow ties.

For many years, the bow tie had been Mr. Carlson’s signature look. He started wearing the cravat in 1984 when he was in tenth grade at St. George’s, a Rhode Island prep school. 

When he became co-host for CNN’S Crossfire in 2001, representing the political right, Mr. Carlson was seen nightly wearing his iconic neckwear.

Mr. Carlson eventually made his way to MSNBC in 2005, where the producers advertised his show by creating posters that read, “The Man. The Legend. The Bow Tie.”

But after moving over to Fox News in 2009, Mr. Carlson decided to ditch the bow tie in favor of the more traditional necktie. Many observers speculated that the preppy appearance engendered by wearing the bow tie made him look like one of those snooty elites he rails against each night on his show.

Mr. Carlson’s collection of 450 classic, many one-of-a-kind, bow ties has been estimated to be worth $1.5 million by Christies auction house.

Photo | daily-choices.com

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: advertisers, Black Lives Matter, bow ties, Fox News, loss of advertisers, satire, sell, Tucker Carlson, Tucker Carlson Tonight

Trump Demands Weather Service Retract Its Weekend Forecast

June 10, 2020 by John DeProspo 1 Comment

Donald Trump has asked the National Weather Service to retract its weekend forecast calling for rain as it would interfere with his golf plans.

“I hate playing in the rain,” said Trump. “I’ll admit it, I’m not a mudder.”

Trump has a long history of attacking any news source that gives him bad news. Earlier today, his campaign demanded CNN apologize for reporting on a poll that shows Biden beating him badly.

The National Weather Service (NWS) is the official weather bureau of the United States, founded on February 9, 1870.

Sources at the bureau have refused comment.

Photo | businessinsider.com

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: CNN poll, Donald Trump, golf, National Weather Service, rain, satire

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