Moron Majority.com

The New American Majority

  • What The Hell Is This Site About!
  • The New American Majority
  • Blog
  • Archives
  • Great Links
  • Contact
  • Show Your Support
  • Email Sign Up
  • Disclaimer

Connect

  • Facebook
  • Twitter

Powered by Genesis

Mexico Agrees To Pay For Wall If Trump Releases Tax Returns

April 6, 2018 by John DeProspo Leave a Comment

Mexico has agreed to pay for Trump’s much-promised “big, beautiful” border wall. But there is a catch … Trump must first release his tax returns.

The idea is the brainchild of former Mexican president, Vincente Fox.

In a press conference announcing the surprise move on the part of the Mexican government, Fox was asked about his previous statement that Mexico would never pay for a wall.

“That is not correct,” said Fox. “I said Mexico would never pay for the fucken wall.”

“Look,” continued Fox, “this is a win-win situation. If Trump releases his returns, it’s adios amigo. Who knows what he’s hiding? I’m betting he’s on Putin’s payroll and doesn’t pay taxes. Now, if he doesn’t accept our muy generous offer, we know he is full of sh*t and doesn’t really care about the wall.”

But what it Trump does accept Mexico’s offer and releases his returns, wouldn’t that be a great loss of pesos for our southern neighbor?

Fox was ready for the question.

“Yes, it would cost us a lot of money but wouldn’t it be worth it to get that jackass out of office? It would be our gift to the American people and the world. And, by the way, we could build the wall, a pequena wall, muy cheaper than that idiota.”

Donald Trump has not yet responded to Mexico’s offer. A White House spokesperson did say Trump would consider the request once the IRS completes its audit of his tax returns.

Photo | cnn.com

 

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: border wall, Donald Trump, Mexico, satire, tax returns, Vincente Fox

Trump Looking To Add Vincent Gambini To Legal Team

March 22, 2018 by John DeProspo Leave a Comment

Within hours after the resignation of John Dowd as his lead lawyer in the FBI Special Counsel investigation, Donald Trump has asked Vincent LaGuardia Gambini to join his legal team.

Yes, Vincent Gambini is a fictional character played by Joe Pesci in the movie, “My Cousin Vinny.” This does not matter to Trump.

“Aren’t lawyers just frustrated actors?” questioned Trump.

“I need an aggressive lawyer like Vinny who will fight for me like he did for those two New York boys falsely accused of murder at the ‘Sac-O-Suds’,” said the 45th president of the United States. “Yes, I know Joe was just acting a part. What do you think I’m doing?”

“Vinny’s a great lawyer, believe me,” said Trump. “If he can fool Judge Herman Munster, he can more than handle Mueller.”

Asked if Vinny (Pesci) has accepted his offer, Trump said, “ No, not yet. But Gambinis are proud people. They believe in seeing justice done. Nobody, I mean nobody, pulls the wool over the eyes of a Gambini.”

Photo | women.com

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: Donald Trump, Joe Pesci, John Dowd, Mueller investigation, My Cousin Vinny, satire, Vincent Gambini

Russian Voters Anxiously Await Final Election Results

March 18, 2018 by John DeProspo Leave a Comment

Even though strongman, and former KGB spy, Vladimir Putin, has been declared the overwhelming winner of today’s presidential election, many Russians are still concerned.

No, not of Putin’s victory but of his winning vote count.

The Central Election Commission announced Putin’s victory three minutes after voting “officially” ended. With around 80 percent of the ballots counted, Putin has received approximately 75% of the vote.

Despite reports of ballot-box stuffing and forced voting, it does not appear Putin will match the results of other autocrats who routinely win by incredible margins.

In 2014, North Korea’s state media confirmed Kim Jong-un was the proud recipient of 100% of the country’s vote.

If Putin does not receive at least 90% of the vote, some Russians believe they will have an angry comrade on their hands.

“This would be a big blow to our commandant’s ego after all he did to drive up the vote count,” said one voter who refused to give her name. “Things may not be so good for us if the numbers don’t go up.”

“There could be a cutback in our vodka rations,” said the worried voter.

Asked if she voted for Putin out of her own free will, the voter shook her head. “Nyet, I was offered a free pizza.”

Putin, 65, who has been in power, either as president or prime minister, since 2000 won another six year term.

“He is a strong leader,” said another voter who described himself as an enthusiastic supporter. “He will crush his enemies like a foot on an ant.”

“Look what he’s done to the U.S.,” he added. “Because of our commander’s genius, those ignorant Americans are now stuck with a moron as president. Yes, it cost us many rubles, but it was worth it.”

As of this writing, Putin had not yet received his congratulatory call from Donald Trump.

No doubt Trump will do so as soon as he finishes today’s round of golf.

Photo | standardmedia.co.ke

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: comrade, congratulatory phone call, Donald Trump, election, Russia, Vladimir Putin, vote margin, winner

  • « Previous Page
  • 1
  • …
  • 18
  • 19
  • 20
  • 21
  • 22
  • 23
  • Next Page »

Recent Posts

  • Seniors Revolt as Trump Messes With Their Healthcare
  • Breaking: Trump Declares U.S. Constitution Unconstitutional
  • Defiant Group of Americans Vow To Disrupt Trump’s Birthday Parade
  • No… I Have Not Been Abducted And Sent To El Salvador
  • Satirists Declare National Emergency as Trump’s Cabinet Picks Outpace Their Wildest Spoofs

Search this site

 

Loading Comments...