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Trump Wonders Why He Can’t “Eliminate” His Enemies With Impunity … Like His Pals

January 10, 2020 by John DeProspo Leave a Comment

Donald Trump has been getting an incredible amount of blowback over the killing of Iran’s top military general, Qasem Soleimani.  It’s not only his political opponents that have questioned Trump’s provocative action. Even members of his own party, namely Matt Gaetz and Mike Lee, have criticized Trump’s decision to potentially risk the start of another Middle East war.

“Why am I being treated like this,” Trump asked at a recent White House meeting. “It’s not fair. I eliminated a very bad man. I should be praised for doing this.”

A White House source said that Trump is baffled as to why he is not being respected like other strongmen who act decisively to take out their enemies. According to the source, Trump said, “At least I don’t target my political enemies, or family members, for that matter!”

The White House tipster revealed that when an administration official reminded Trump he is not a dictator, Trump angrily replied, “I’m the president of the United States and the Constitution lets me do whatever I want.”

Regrettably, but understandably, no one at the meeting had the temerity to disabuse Trump of that notion.

It is being reported that Trump has received some much welcomed support for his bold action against Iran from four of this favorite autocrats, Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-un, Recep Tayyip Erdogan and Mohammed bin Salman. But instead of sending a letter, like Vladimir, Mohammed and Recep, Kim sent a beautiful card.

Photo | slate.com

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: autocrats, dictators, Donald Trump, Erdogan, Iran, Jong-un, killing, Middle East, Mohammed bin Salam, putin, Qasem Soleimani, satire

Trump Reportedly Upset Over Low Iranian Bounty Offer

January 6, 2020 by John DeProspo Leave a Comment

Following the killing of Iranian military General Qassem Soleimani, Iran has issued an $80 million bounty on Donald Trump’s head.

According to White House sources, Trump is infuriated with this latest move out of Iran. No, not that a bounty was placed on him, but because of the low dollar amount.

“I’m the most powerful man on the face of the Earth and this is all I’m worth?” Trump supposedly said. “They should be talking billions, not millions.”

When Iran’s Supreme leader, Ali Khamenei, heard of Trump’s remarks, he made the “leader of the free world” a new offer. “Show us your tax returns and we will reconsider the bounty offer.”

Unfortunately for Trump, he will not be able to comply with the Ayatollah’s demand as his returns are currently under audit.

Photo | abcnews.go.com

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: $80 million, bounty, Donald Trump, Iran, satire, too low

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