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Trump Christmas Gift To Melania? Chia Pet

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Just one day before Christmas, Donald Trump revealed he had not yet bought a present for the First Lady.

During a Christmas Eve video conference call to troops stationed overseas, when asked by a soldier what gift he had gotten Melania, Trump confessed he had not gotten her anything … yet:

“That’s a tough question …. I got her a beautiful card. … A lot of love. We love our family, and we love each other. We’ve had a great relationship, hopefully like you do with your spouses. … I’m still working on a Christmas present. There’s a little time left. Not much, but a little time left.”

It was widely speculated Trump did not buy Melania a gift. 

Trump has previously acknowledged his shortcomings in finding gifts for his wife. You may recall, in a Fox interview in 2018, Trump admitted he only gifted a “beautiful card” to his wife for her birthday.

Naturally, everyone thought Trump had stiffed Melania again.

But not so fast! News filtered out of the White House today that Trump did indeed buy Melania a Christmas present… a Chia Pet!

We’ve all been there. You wait until the last minute to buy a Christmas present when you suddenly realize all the good stuff has sold out. So, what do you buy? Yep, that good old-fashioned staple … Ch-Ch-Ch Chia!

In a strange twist, Trump bought Melania a Chia Pet of himself … it being the only product style to not have completely sold out at the Walmart where Trump had shopped.

Photo | Chia.com

Trump Calls For Investigation Of Impeachment Vote

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Alleging foul play, Donald Trump is asking for an investigation of the electronic voting system used in the House of Representatives.

White House sources say Trump believes the only way he could have lost the House vote is for hacking to have occurred. In fact, these same sources say Trump was “shellshocked” when he learned the impeachment vote went against him.

“All my top people told me Nancy didn’t have the votes to impeach,” Trump tweeted today. “This is 100% VOTER FRAUD!”

“Why doesn’t the House take votes like the Senate?” questioned Trump. “Very fishy.”

It should be noted that, unlike the Senate where votes are recorded by roll call, electronic voting is unique to the House due to the fact it is four times larger than the Senate.

One aide, who asked for anonymity, said that when asked what proof he had for his allegation, Trump snapped, “I don’t need proof. I have Barr!”

It has been confirmed that Trump’s Attorney General, William Barr, will be opening an investigation into the alleged hacking of the House voting system. He is expected to hire Kaspersky Lab, a cyber security firm headquartered in Moscow, to handle the probe.

Photo | propublica.org

Marianne Williamson Proves Why We All Need To Do Our Due Diligence

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About one month ago, I wrote a satirical piece, “Trump Pardons Charles Manson.” I also reposted the article on Dailykos.com.

What was intended as a lighthearted jab at Trump’s expansive, and seemingly indiscriminate, use of his pardoning power has morphed into a major brouhaha and latest embarrassment for presidential candidate Marianne Williamson.

Not realizing the story was satire, Williamson tweeted: 

“There is something deeply sinister about Trump pardoning Charles Manson, even posthumously. Dog whistles of the very worst possible kind…”

Williamson later apologized for the mistake and said that she was “glad to have been wrong,” but then deleted both the original tweet and the apology.

If only the self-help guru had done a simple Google search she would have discovered the story was in jest. Scopes.com correctly labeled the article as “satire.”

Williamson should have read the disclaimer on moronmajority.com, which reads, “This site is devoted to satire. If you believe any of the stuff you read here, don’t look now, but you probably belong to the group this site is named for.”

Let this be a teachable moment for one and all. If a story sounds preposterous … totally batsh*t crazy … it is probably fake news or well done satire.

Then again, in the age of Trump, where windmills cause cancer, can we say anything is utterly ludicrous?

Photo | sarah silbiger/reuters