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Trump Looking To Add Vincent Gambini To Legal Team

March 22, 2018 by John DeProspo Leave a Comment

Within hours after the resignation of John Dowd as his lead lawyer in the FBI Special Counsel investigation, Donald Trump has asked Vincent LaGuardia Gambini to join his legal team.

Yes, Vincent Gambini is a fictional character played by Joe Pesci in the movie, “My Cousin Vinny.” This does not matter to Trump.

“Aren’t lawyers just frustrated actors?” questioned Trump.

“I need an aggressive lawyer like Vinny who will fight for me like he did for those two New York boys falsely accused of murder at the ‘Sac-O-Suds’,” said the 45th president of the United States. “Yes, I know Joe was just acting a part. What do you think I’m doing?”

“Vinny’s a great lawyer, believe me,” said Trump. “If he can fool Judge Herman Munster, he can more than handle Mueller.”

Asked if Vinny (Pesci) has accepted his offer, Trump said, “ No, not yet. But Gambinis are proud people. They believe in seeing justice done. Nobody, I mean nobody, pulls the wool over the eyes of a Gambini.”

Photo | women.com

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: Donald Trump, Joe Pesci, John Dowd, Mueller investigation, My Cousin Vinny, satire, Vincent Gambini

Stormy Daniels Threatened With Physical Harm … Mob Style

March 16, 2018 by John DeProspo Leave a Comment

The Stormy Daniels story has taken a dangerous turn. According to her lawyer, Michael Avenetti, Daniels has started to receive threats of “physical harm” if she spills the beans about her affair with Donald Trump.

At a hastily gathered news conference, Avenetti played a threatening message left on Ms. Daniels’ answering machine.

“Hey, Stormy. Those are two nice knockers you have there. Would be a shame if something were to happen to them” said the caller.

Avenetti immediately contacted the FBI. According to a person familiar with the agency’s investigation, the call has already been successfully traced to its source… the White House!

Asked about this shocking turn of events, Trump called the whole thing” fake news.”

“I know nothing about this,” said Trump. “And who would threaten to harm those two gorgeous knockers.”

It looks as if Trump’s big mouth, and lack of forethought, might have gotten him in a world of trouble once again. According to the FBI source, no one revealed to Trump the actual contents of the recorded message!

A coincidence?

Photo | nydailynews.com

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: affair, Donald Trump, FBI, knockers, mob, physical harm, satire, Stormy Daniels, threat

House Approves Measure Calling For Gun Labeling … “Shoot Responsibly”

February 23, 2018 by John DeProspo 1 Comment

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After the latest mass shooting in Parkland, Florida, Congress has finally gotten serious about gun safety legislation. In a vote of 218-217, the House of Representatives, by the slimmest margin, yesterday passed a bill that would mandate all guns sold in the United States carry the warning: “Shoot Responsibly.”

Rep. Earl Scruggs (R-TN) hailed the vote as a much needed first step in making gun owners aware that with their unalienable right to bear arms comes the obligation to use their weapon appropriately. The admonition must be affixed to all packaging containing a weapon, from the smallest handgun to the largest assault rifle.

“What this tells the gun-consuming public,” said Scruggs, “is that it’s OK to use your gun for hunting, for target practice and self defense, but not to shoot up a movie theater, a nightclub or a school.”

Scruggs, who can up with the idea after watching a Heineken commercial encouraging consumers to “drink responsibly,” knew he was on to something that could pass the House.

”It took a lot of arm-twisting but we were finally able to get bipartisan agreement on my bill,” said Scruggs. “I know some people say this will not solve the problem of gun violence in our country, but it’s a start.”

For those old enough to remember, Earl Scruggs was a member of Nancy Reagan’s task force in the 1980’s war against drugs. Scruggs was credited with coming up with the highly successful campaign “Just say NO!”

The NRA, taken by surprise by the bill’s passage, has not yet weighed in on whether it will support the legislation. A spokesperson has indicated the gun group may agree to the labeling “depending on the size of the print.”

Asked for comment, Donald Trump said he would be happy to sign the bill if it ever gets to his desk.

“I am all for people using their guns responsibly,” said Trump. “You know, something like this, along with training and arming teachers, will go a long way in making our schools, and country, safer.”

The fate of a similar bill being introduced in the Senate remains uncertain.

Photo | Official White House Photo by Lawrence Jackson

 

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: gun regulation, Guns, House of Representatives, legislation, new law, Parkland Florida, satire, shoot responsibly

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