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Trump Miffed … Mueller Still Getting Paycheck

January 21, 2018 by John DeProspo Leave a Comment

Donald Trump finally got the government shutdown he wanted. But to his shock and dismay, this does not put the Mueller investigation on ice.

The Justice Department has confirmed that employees in Mueller’s office are exempt from the shutdown and can continue investigating any possible collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia. His office is not funded through the regular congressional appropriations process.

So, the probe Trump continues to call a “witch-hunt” and a “hoax” lives on even as other government functions come to an end.

“There is something very wrong with our government if I can shut it down and people still keep getting paid … they still go on with their work,” Trump told a group of reporters.

Anonymous White House sources have confirmed that Trump believed a government shutdown would end Mueller’s investigation without him having to fire the FBI special prosecutor.

“I am going to get to the bottom of this,” Trump added. “How is this possible? No doubt Crooked Hillary is involved with this.”

Perhaps someone on Trump’s staff might school him on how special counsel investigations are funded.

Trump would learn that special counsel investigations are funded by a separate “permanent indefinite appropriation” established by the Department of Justice Appropriation Act of 1988 to pay for “investigations and prosecutions by independent counsels.” In other words, Congress has already passed the appropriations bill that funds this probe, so no one’s salary is stuck in the Treasury—there is nothing preventing Mueller’s team from going to work and getting paid.

Shorting after hearing the bad news, Trump did what he does best … went golfing.

Photo | rantt.com

Satire Alert!!!

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: collusion, Donald Trump. Robert Mueller, FBI investigation, funding, investigation, satire, shutdown, special counsel, trump Russia

Trump’s Top 10 “Accomplishments” of 2017

December 30, 2017 by John DeProspo Leave a Comment

As we come to the end of 2017, it is time to pick Donald Trump’s top 10 “accomplishments” during his first year in office. While the list of his many presidential firsts is quite extensive, even bordering on the most unprecedented in American history, here are the ones that made the cut:

  1. U.S. no longer seen as the leader of the free world
  2. Has given aid and comfort to white supremacists, KKK, racists, etc.
  3. Further divided an already divided country
  4. Helped engineer the largest tax heist on behalf of billionaires in U.S. history
  5. Has green-lighted Russians to keep meddling in our elections
  6. Installed the most unqualified group of Cabinet secretaries … ever
  7. Pardoned a sheriff who refused to obey a federal court order
  8. Undermined institutions such as the FBI, the judiciary and the free press
  9. Endorsed and defended a sexual predator for U.S. Senate
  10. Scored lowest approval rating of any modern president his first year in office

The hearts of Trump supporters must be swelling with pride over such an impressive list of “accomplishments.” Yet with such an amazing slate of achievements in only his first year, what can we expect in year two?

I’d like to speculate but I’m too afraid to go there!

But take heart as we enter the New Year. Many betting sites are listing the possibility of Trump leaving office by the end of next year, either through impeachment or resignation, at 50-50.

Photo | dailymail.co.uk

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: 2017, accomplishments, achievements, Donald Trump, satire, top 10 list

Sex Scandal Hits The Vatican

November 29, 2017 by John DeProspo Leave a Comment

At a time when women accusing powerful men of sexual misconduct has turned into a daily ritual, another dominant male has been ensnared in allegations of sexual impropriety going back decades.

Pope Francis has been accused of groping two nuns during his years as a seminary student at the Inmaculada Concepción Seminary, in Villa Devoto, Buenos Aires.

The nuns, who chose to remain anonymous, have told reporters that the Holy Father copped a feel while they were waiting in line to give their weekly confessions at the Catedral Metropolitana, Buenos Aires. The alleged incidents took place in the summer of 1955.

“From out of nowhere I felt a hand squeeze my buttocks” said one of the nuns. The second nun told the same story of a surprise, unwanted touching.

Vatican spokesman, Father Guido Sarducci, issued a statement that neither confirmed nor denied the accusations.

“The Pope does not recall any incidents of improper touching during his years at the seminary. The alleged groping goes back 62 years. One has to ask why the nuns would wait so long to accuse the Vicar of Christ.”

Catholics throughout the world are in shock, not knowing what to make of the allegations. Many are simply praying, “Please say it ain’t so, Papa.”

One powerful male facing sexual misconduct allegations of his own has come to the Pope’s defense … Donald Trump.

“This is ridiculous,” said Trump. “Why would the Pope grope a nun? They are generally very homely. I would say on average a four. Have you ever seen a hot nun except in the movies?”

Father Sarducci went on to say, “Pardon the pun, but the Pope does not make it a habit of forcing himself on nuns or any females for that matter.”

If the allegations are true, expect more nuns to come forward in the days ahead.

It is being rumored that the two nuns accusing the Pope of sexual misconduct have contacted Lisa Bloom, a lawyer famous for representing female victims of sexual harassment and assault.

Photo | courageouschristianfather.com

Caution – this could be fake news!

 

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: Donald Trump, groping, Lisa Bloom, misconduct, nuns, Pope Francis, satire, sexual allegations, sexual impropriety

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