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After Bombshell Bolton Book Leak, Publisher Wants Full Return Of Advance

January 26, 2020 by John DeProspo Leave a Comment

According to an unpublished manuscript of John Bolton’s upcoming book obtained by the New York Times, the former National Security Advisor claims Donald Trump directly told him he would withhold military aid to Ukraine until Ukrainian President Zelensky agreed to deliver politically motivated investigations into the Bidens.

This may be good news for Democrats seeking to compel Bolton’s testimony in Trump’s impeachment trial but it is very bad news for Bolton.

It has been reported that Bolton’s multi-million dollar book deal with Simon & Schuster carried a whopping $2 million advance. The publisher now wants the money returned.

A spokesperson for Simon & Schuster says the value of the book was based on Bolton’s explanation of the “drug deal” he purportedly told Fiona Hill about, of which he wanted no part. Many assumed the comment related to the scheme Gordon Sondland and Mick Mulvaney were cooking up to pressure Zelensky into announcing investigations into the Bidens, Burisma. 

“The cat’s out of the bag,” said the spokesperson. “Who would want to read the book now?”

A close friend of the former Trump advisor has revealed Bolton doesn’t have the money, having spent it all on a high-tech security system for his Bethesda, Maryland home and on 24-hour bodyguards.

Photo | france24.com/abcnews.go.com

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: Bidens, bombshell, book, Burma, John Bolton, leak, New York Times, satire, trump, unpublished manuscript

Trump To Return Statue Of Liberty To France

September 6, 2017 by John DeProspo 2 Comments

Donald Trump is deporting Lady Liberty.

By way of a controversial executive order signed yesterday, Trump is packing up the iconic symbol of American freedom and shipping her off to her country of birth.

“Since 1886, she has been standing in New York Harbor welcoming the tired, the poor and huddled masses,” said Trump. “No more. What she really has welcomed to our shores are criminals, drug dealers and rapists. And some good people, I’m sure.”

“We just can’t afford to have all those foreigners continue to take our good American jobs. And we can’t afford giving them free stuff like food, clothing and shelter, either. Did you know she actually asks other countries to send us their homeless?” Trump pointed out.

Trump has a few ideas for the pedestal that wll remain on Liberty Island.

“I think we should honor a true patriot with a statute. Robert E. Lee, a great man and fabulous general comes to mind,” offered Trump. “Or we could honor one of the greatest American presidents and my favorite, Andrew Jackson. And, by the way, there is no way a radical like Harriet Tubman is going to replace Old Hickory on the twenty-dollar bill. Not while I’m president.”

When informed of the news, French president, Emmanuel Macron, was saddened his country’s gift to America, commemorating the alliance of France and the United States during the American Revolution, was being returned.

“This truly is a dark day for liberty, democracy and for all the peoples of the world that look to America as a beacon of hope,” said Macron. ”But we will re-gift it to a country that still believes in the ideals Lady Liberty stands for … our great friend Canada.”

Mass protests have already broken out in major cities throughout the United States. Americans are up in arms over the removal of the beloved statue.

“Yes, there are some Americans who want to keep Lady Liberty, whose real name is La Liberté éclairant le monde, by the way,” said Trump. “But there are also many people who want her to go. I think many more people.”

An online petition has been started for Congress to pass a law protecting the Statue of Liberty and overriding Trump’s executive order.

Will Congress act in time?

Photo | modernliberals.com

 

 

 

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: deport, Donald Trump, Lady Liberty, remove, Statue of Liberty, trump

Trump’s Favorite Country Song? Tammy Wynette’s “Stand By Your Comrade”

August 11, 2017 by John DeProspo 2 Comments

Donald Trump thanked Vladimir Putin for expelling more than 700 U.S. diplomats from Russia in response to increased sanctions.

Just like with his own fervent supporters, Trump remains loyal to his hero. Putin could shoot a political opponent in the middle of Red Square and not lose our president’s support!

Photo | businessinsider.com

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: diplomats, putin, sanctions, trump

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