In an unprecedented move, the nation’s leading satirists gathered on the steps of the Capitol today to stage a protest against what they call the “unbearable tyranny of reality.” Their target? … Donald J. Trump. With one shocking Cabinet pick after another, many worry they soon may be unemployed.
“Trump is literally putting us out of business,” said a visibly distraught Andy Gotwitz, host of the satirical show This Is Not Real News. “I mean that anti-vaxxer, Robert Kennedy Jr., as Secretary of Health and Human Services? The guy thinks windmills cause autism! How can we compete with that!”
The satirists, carrying signs reading “Leave Room for Parody!” and “Stop Stealing My Punchlines, Donald,” claim that Trump’s announcements have created an existential crisis in their field. “We spend hours trying to come up with absurd scenarios to lampoon these people,” lamented writer Mandy Morewitt. “But Matt Gaetz as Attorney General? What am I supposed to do with that? Photoshop him serving subpoenas at a high school prom? It’s already too on the nose!”
Some critics of the satirists, however, have been unsympathetic. “Maybe they should have worked harder,” said a man dressed as George Santos in a Bigfoot costume, who claimed to be a Trump supporter. “Donald doesn’t just blur the lines between fact and fiction. He erases them! Sorry, but get used to it honey.”
Meanwhile, Trump himself responded to the satirists’ plight during a rally in Florida. “These so-called comedians are very pathetic” he said, waving a printed copy of a New Yorker cartoon. “They’ve got no creativity. No smarts. I’m the most tremendous satire writer in the world. I invented satire. You’re welcome, SNL.”
The satirists say they are considering a new strategy: abandoning politics altogether and turning their attention to less absurd subjects, like alien conspiracy theories or the British monarchy.
At press time, a White House insider revealed the next Cabinet announcement: My Pillow guy, Mike Lindell, as Secretary of Commerce.
“Kill me now,” sighed the collective voice of satire writers everywhere.
Photo/AI generated
