Archives for September 2015

In his speech to a joint meeting of Congress, Pope Francis waded into some turbulent political waters: climate change, immigration, and income inequality. But he avoided perhaps the most controversial issue of the day … the Washington Redskins; more particularly, the football team’s offensive name.

In his private meeting with House Speaker John Boehner, however, the Holy Father asked, “How can a football team have a name that offends so many people, especially native Americans? The name must go.” Boehner replied diplomatically, “I’m not a big football fan so I don’t get involved in issues like that, Your Excellency.”

When word of the Pope’s comment to Boehner was made public, all hell broke loose.

Republican presidential candidates immediately tackled the issue, looking to score points on the pontiff’s gaffe. Jeb Bush offered, “ The Pope needs to stick with what he knows best, religious issues. He’s not qualified to weigh in on American football.” This critique is very similar to Bush’s scolding of the pontiff for delving into the topic of climate change. “He’s not a scientist,” said Bush.

Ted Cruz was quoted as saying, “Are we to get rid of all names that refer to American Indians, such as Braves, Chiefs, Warriors? These names honor the American Indian not insult him.”

Perhaps the sharpest criticism came from the Republican presidential frontrunner, Donald Trump. “With all due respect, the Pope is out of his league here. What does he know about American sports anyway? Sure the name is a slur against Native Americans, but so what? This political correctness has got to stop. People need to grow a pair.”

“What’s next?” asked Trump. “Are we going to have the Kansas City Puppies playing the Dallas Kittens in a non- contact flag football Super Bowl with Kenny G as halftime entertainment? Let’s get real. We’re a society of wimps.”

Pope Francis’ director of the Holy See Press Office, Father Federico Lombardi, weighed in on the controversy. “The team already calls itself ‘hogs” and fans come dressed up as pigs. Why not call them the Washington Hogs?”

Upon hearing Lombardi’s suggestion, Trump, in true Trumpian form, sarcastically replied, “Well, a lot of fat women might be offended!”

(AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

 

During his address at the Value Voters Summit on Friday, Marco Rubio cut into his prepared speech to break the news of House Speaker John Boehner’s resignation. Immediately upon hearing the word, the crowd erupted into wild applause! Many of the religious conservatives cheered the Speaker’s sudden exit, taking credit for the downfall of a man reviled by the radical right as too liberal to lead.

The conference attendees couldn’t have been more lighthearted and gay … as in happier, that is. Their beloved party would be moving further to the right. Said one Republican, “This just proves that the whole problem with us Republicans is that we’re not conservative enough. Now we may have a chance to get something done!”

Sen. Ted Cruz, another Republican presidential candidate at the conference, hinted that the Senate needs a shake-up as well. “With all due respect to Majority Leader McConnell, he’s a wuss. He needs to grow a pair.” Cruz stopped short of an outright plea to fellow Senate Republicans to ditch Mitch.

The prospect of a more conservative House was too much for some Republicans to handle. “Wow,” rejoiced a conference member, “this is truly a great day! The new leadership’s first order of business should be the repeal of Obamacare.” When reminded that the Boehner-led House passed 56 bills to repeal Obamacare; that every House Republican voted for every single bill; that such a bill could not pass the Senate or survive a presidential veto,  the Republican was asked what more could Boehner have done? “He could have passed a new repeal Obamacare bill ever week,” he said, “56 repeal bills in four years isn’t a heck of a lot!”

Whoever the House Republicans pick as their new leader, you can be sure he will not be conservative enough for a cadre of rabid Republican reps. Their immediate goal seems to be a government shutdown over the funding of Planned Parenthood, something Boehner was opposed to. But the long term goal seems to be no less than to limit the power of the Federal government to just one function … funding the military.

As Saint Reagan famously said, “Government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem!” Oh, the law of unintended consequences! Ronnie must be rolling over.

Post Script: Yesterday, Sen. Ted Cruz won the Values Voter Summit straw poll for the third year in a row . With a whopping 35% in the poll of summit-goers, he finished ahead of runner-up Ben Carson’s 18%. Donald Trump finished a disappointing fifth with 5% support.

Photo | AP/Huffingtonpost.com

 

After last week’s second Republican presidential debate, the most glowing reviews were for Carly Fiorina. Her impressive showing came on the heels of her winning performance in the first debate, albeit while at “the kid’s table,” (Carly On The Rise).

In the most recent CNN/ORC poll, Ms. Fiorina has shot up to second place among Republican presidential hopefuls with 15 per cent support, trailing only Donald Trump whose support slipped to 24 per cent.

But with a rise in profile comes an increase in scrutiny. There are a number of skeletons in Ms. Fiorina’s closet that will soon be made public, any one of which could derail her bid for the presidency.

Here are the Top 10 reasons why Carly Fiorina will never be president:

1. Declared bankruptcy twice while operating her lemonade stand as a young girl
2. Falsely accused her college roommate of having genital herpes after she stole her boyfriend.
3. Doesn’t like puppies
4. Secretly chews tobacco
5. As a teenager, boiled her sister’s bunny in a fit of rage
6. Was named “Most Likely To Be Mean” by her high school class
7. Palled around with Bella Abzug in the 1970s
8. Cheats at Words with Friends
9. When called “as cold as ice” by an employee at HP, the employee was successfully sued for defamation by “ice.”
10. Pees standing up

Yes, like Herman Cain and Michelle Bachmann before her, Ms. Fiorina will have her 15 minutes of fame. But her star will soon fade. While the current crop of Republican voters may forgive a candidate many things, one fact cannot be overlooked. What sicko doesn’t love puppies!

Image courtesy of SOMMAI at FreeDigitalPhotos.net