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Archives for December 2016

It’s Official … U.S.A. Once Again A Winner!

December 27, 2016 by John DeProspo

With Donald J. Trump today having been officially elevated to our nation’s highest office by a group of loyal, patriotic, “party-over-country” electors, America’s future looks bright again.

After eight years of enduring the failed presidency of Barack Hussein Obama, Americans are hungry for a change. And with Trump now set to become our nation’s 45th president on January 20, 2017, true Americans will finally get their country back.

The voters who picked our new “outside-the-beltway” president, over the loathsome, hopelessly experienced Hillary Clinton, sent a clear message to the Democrat Party on November 8th. They had had enough of a president who, in eight years, failed to get U.S. troops involved in a new war. Certainly Obama had his chances, they point out. Plus voters have never forgiven Obama for ending a perfectly good war in Iraq in 2011.

When Hillary Clinton promised voters she would continue, and build on, the policies of the Obama Administration, she effectively made herself unelectable. Voters did not want to add to the Obama disasters they’ve had to suffer through over the last eight years:

1. Jumpstarting the economy during the worst recession since the Great Depression.
2. Passing the Dodd-Frank Act, which holds Wall Street accountable in the event of another financial crisis.
3. Saving the American auto industry.
4. Passing the Affordable Care Act that now insures 32 million previously uninsured Americans.
5. Overseeing a stock market that has nearly tripled in value.
6. Creating over 15 million new jobs.
7. Reversing Bush’s torture policies.
8. Authorizing the raid that killed Osama Bin Laden.
9. Leading the fight on climate change.
10.Signing a landmark nuclear deal with Iran.

No sir, Donald Trump has promised to reverse all of Obama’s disastrous polices as soon as he takes office.

Trump, the billionaire celebrity and entrepreneur, has promised to bring back millions of jobs that have left the U.S. He will not, however, be bringing those overseas jobs that produce his many products as they never were made in the U.S. to start with.

As Trump has promised the American people, they will start winning again … so much so they will be sick and tired of winning.

For many giddily anxious Americans, the Trump presidency cannot start soon enough.

USA! … USA! … USA!

Photo | REUTERS/Carlo Allegri

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Trump Picks Fraudster Bernie Madoff Treasury Secretary

December 8, 2016 by John DeProspo

 

In a startling announcement, president-elect Donald Trump has named convicted felon, Bernie Madoff, to head the Treasury Department.

During his first press conference since winning the presidency, Trump told a group of journalists he is pleased to have such a skilled and knowledgeable man in his cabinet.

“I’ve known Bernie for quite some time and I can tell you, believe me, he is the good Bernie,” said the soon-to-be 45th president of the United States.

As would be expected, a reporter asked Trump how he could choose a man serving a 150-year prison sentence as his treasury secretary? Trump was quick to respond.

“As president, I will have the absolute power to pardon anyone I want to, especially someone who was wrongfully convicted by the mainstream media and liberal judges. Just look at all the felons Bill Clinton pardoned during his presidency,” said Trump.

“I don’t know anyone who is better with money than Bernie. He made tons of money for his investors, both in good times and bad times,“ added the president-elect.

When it was pointed out to Trump that Bernie Madoff ran a Ponzi scheme which usually rewards early investors while leaving later stakeholders holding the bag, Trump replied, “Investing, like everything else, is all a matter of timing. Nothing is guaranteed. There are always winners and losers.”

“Look at my case,” said Trump. “If I had run for president four years ago, I probably would not have won. My timing was excellent. I ran against one of the most hated establishment politicians of all time, ‘Crooked Hillary.’ Plus, I have to say, it helped having so many Republican-controlled states pass voter suppression laws making it harder for Democrats to vote.”

“Haven’t you just admitted you won the election through voter fraud?” yelled out a fearless reporter. “No,” answered Trump, “ there was no voter fraud, just suppression, two different things my amigo.”

Reached for comment at the Butner Federal Correctional Institution, the 78-year-old Madoff was thrilled to hear the news.

“I have always felt my career as a financier was not over. I look forward to bringing the skills I developed in my personal business to the country as a whole. … just like president-elect Trump promised to do for the country what he has done for most of his businesses.”

No one can deny Trump is the master at turning bankruptcies into gold … for himself.

Disclaimer: This story may be fake… or not!

Photos | marketwatch.com; abcnews.go.com

Filed Under: satire

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