Archives for October 2019

Trump Threatens To Veto Any Articles Of Impeachment Approved By The House

October 31, 2019 by John DeProspo 2 Comments

It is becoming ever more clear the Democratic-controlled House of Representatives will vote out articles of impeachment against Donald Trump to send to the Senate for trial.

After today’s vote in the House formalizing the procedures of the impeachment inquiry, which passed mostly along party lines (232-196), Donald Trump tweeted the following:

Today the conflicted Democrat House voted against me 232-196. This pathetic display is an unconstitutional attack against your duly elected president that will amount to nothing. I will veto any articles of impeachment that come out of the House. And Little Nancy is too dumb to do the math. She does not have the two-thirds vote to override my veto

It appears White House staff members are too intimidated by their boss to explain to him how the Constitutional impeachment process works.

Photo | thenewyorker.com

Trump Turns To Religion To Get Through Troubled Times

October 15, 2019 by John DeProspo 1 Comment

The man who was been described as the least religious person ever to occupy the White House is turning to God for solace during the most difficult stretch of his presidency.

Yes, this is the same man who spoke of “Two Corinthians.” He is the same person who, when asked if he’s ever asked God for forgivingness, answered, “I don’t think so.” He is the same individual who could not name one verse from his favorite book, the Bible.

Many are cynically claiming Trump’s turn to religion is just a ploy to shore up his evangelical base. But some White House aides are saying Trump has truly found faith. One aide has actually verified she heard Trump declare, “Jesus is my personal Lord and Savior.”

To prove Trump’s transformation is real, the aide said Trump recenlty contacted Cardinal Timothy Dolan, Archbishop at New York’s St. Patrick’s Cathedral, to schedule a confession (Yes, confession is a sacrament open to non-Catholics).

The Archbishop has confirmed he has blocked off next week to accommodate Trump’s confessional.

Photo | AP Photo/ Evan Vucci

Breaking News … Trump Presidential Library To Be Located In Moscow

October 2, 2019 by John DeProspo 1 Comment

The White House has announced the location of the Donald J. Trump Presidential Library And Arcade. It will occupy the ground floor of the new Trump Moscow Resort and Casino to be built within a stone’s throw of Moscow’s Red Square.

It is being reported that the library will contain all of Mr. Trump’s favorite books, namely the Bible and The Art of the Deal. Trump’s personal collection of Marvel Comics will also be on display.

There will be a food court located in the center of the premises featuring multiple fast food outlets as well as a fun-for-all-ages arcade hall.

One of the library walls will feature a large screen displaying Trump’s voluminous tweets in a continuous loop.

A second wall will be filled with pictures of all the people that worked in the Trump administration who were fired, resigned or imprisoned.

A third wall will be completely covered by photos of all the people, and companies, Trump stiffed over the course of his lifetime.

A fourth wall will contain a long row of exit doors.

Said a White House aide, “Mr. Trump plans to ‘retire’ to Russia and he thought it would be wise to be near his big, beautiful, never-seen-anything-quite-like-it library. It is being predicted the library will become a huge tourist attraction that will give a boost to the Russian economy.”

Sources in the know are saying the entire project will be personally funded by Vladimir V. Putin.

Photo | rbth.com