With the presidential election less than two months away, battle lines have been drawn. Sides have been chosen. Americans know who they will be voting for … except for Earl Scruggs.
Scruggs has the distinction of being the last undecided voter in the country.
We at Moron Majority recently had the opportunity to interview America’s final fence-sitter.
MM: Mr. Scruggs, how is it with all the news about the two candidates you still haven’t decided who to vote for?
Scruggs: I don’t much listen to the news but I do talk to a lot of people. Seems like half are voting for Trump, half are voting for Biden.
MM: Did you vote for Trump in 2016?
Scruggs: Yes, but in 2008 and 2012 I voted for Obama.
MM: So, you really are a swing voter! What do you like about Trump?
Scruggs: I like that he loves the flag so much he dry humps it every chance he gets. I like Melania too, she’s one mighty fine-looking woman!
MM: What about Biden? What do you like about him?
Scruggs: I like Joe’s teeth. They must be the whitest teeth of any politician ever. I like that he smiles a lot, too. Plus, I think his aviator shades make him look cool.
MM: Mr. Scruggs, what you’re talking about are appearances and behavior. Aren’t there any policy differences between the two that could help make up your mind?
Scruggs: Nope. To me all that policy stuff doesn’t matter because all politicians are the same. They’ll say anything to get elected. All they want is power and to get reelected. I go with what strikes my eye. I go with my gut. But, right now, it’s telling me to maybe just sit this one out.
So there you have it. Democrats and Republicans will be spending millions in the coming days to sway Earl Scruggs in what may turn out to be one expensive, but futile, effort.
Photo | baltimoresun.com
