Pam Bondi received her Juris Doctor degree from Stetson University College of Law in 1990. The Florida law school fears for its reputation after Bondi’s unprofessional performance at this week’s House Oversight Hearing on the Epstein files.
In a brisk but pointed statement, the school’s dean, Vernon Wormer III, made it clear that “while the law school is proud of our graduates who participate actively in public service, our curriculum does not include casework in ‘Advanced Interrupting,’ ‘Sarcasm as Statutory Interpretation,’ or ‘Disrespectful Combativeness 101,” as many social media users seem to think.”
“Stetson University College of Law,” Wormer continued, “does not teach students to filibuster their own answers, challenge the premise of every question, including their own name, or treat congressional oversight as an open-mic night.”
“Yes, we do teach zealous advocacy at Stetson, but not as a subtle audition for Fox News,” added the frustrated dean.
Students expressed concern that future employers might think all Stetson graduates are as ditzy and un-lawyerlike as Ms. Bondi. The Student Bar Association quickly reassured classmates that the school’s advocacy program emphasizes preparation, respect and the radical notion of letting other people finish sentences.
At the time of this writing, the administration was reportedly considering adding a new professionalism workshop titled “You Can Disagree Without Sounding Like a Total Whackadoo.”
Yes, this is satire!