Imagine, if you will, Donald and Melania Trump in the White House. It’s 2017. A new day has dawned in American Politics. Welcome to your worst nightmare. Welcome to the Twilight Zone.

Donald – “Are you almost ready, Baby?”

Melania – “No. Still undressing.”

The scene is unfolding in the Lincoln bedroom where Melania is preparing for a photo shoot. She will be gracing the front cover of Trump’s new magazine, P.T. Trump (as in ”Perfectly Tremendous.”)

Donald – “I spoke with Henri, this spread will be very tasteful. Nothing to be nervous about. He is using a special lens to capture all your beauty.”

Melania – “Oh, Donald, really. This is not the first time I do this. Remember that great shoot on your yacht by GQ?”

Donald – “Of course Baby. But we’re going to make this a little more classy. After all, you are the new First Lady. I don’t want perverts to drool too much over that luscious body of yours.”

Melania – “Donald I think your Evangelical people might not like this so much, no?”

Donald – “Don’t worry Baby, I got the job. Nobody can fire me. I fire them.”

Melania – “As you say, you are always right. Can you hand me that flower? I think I stick it in my hair.”

Donald – “Baby don’t get me going with that stick it in the hair stuff. I’m thinking if this works out we can put some of these nice, but tasteful photos, into a presidential calendar. Will sell like hotcakes. You like that, Baby?”

Melania – “Yes. But maybe not so presidential, no?”

Donald – “Presidential my ass. I got elected because I do stuff like this. My people love me and expect it.”

With that, celebrated Penthouse photographer, Henri LaTour, positions Melania across the king size bed of the Lincoln bedroom.

Donald – “Hey Melania, just think this is the same bed Bill rented out to his donors when he was here.”

Melania – “Knowing Bill, I’m sure he used bed a few times himself, no?”

The shoot goes off without a hitch. Donald and Melania now get dressed to host their first White House state dinner with none other than the Vicar of Christ, Pope Francis.

Twilight Zone?

Photo | ndtv.com

 

 

 

 

After his big primary win in Arizona on Tuesday, Donald Trump was on the phone with his good friend and political advisor, Bill Clinton.

Clinton – “Hey, Bud. Congrats on Arizona.”

Trump – “Yea, thanks. Do you believe this crap? I’m unstoppable. I’m like a god.”

Clinton – “Hold on there, Bud. You’re not God. This is eight years of Catholic school talking.”

Trump – “I didn’t say I was God, but a god. People just worship and adore me!”

Clinton – “Yea, your peeps just love their Trump.”

Trump – “Bill, what if in the next few months I actually get enough delegates to win this thing. Should I then just say I’ve changed my mind? That it was an experiment to see how far I could get? A way to prove I was the greatest salesman of all-time?”

Clinton – “Buddy, you are locked in. You just have to accept the nomination and have some good old fun with Hill. Don’t’ worry. She’ll try not to make a complete fool out of you in the debates.”

Trump – “I spoke with my doctor, you know, Harold, about verifying that I’ve come down with some incurable disease. What do you think about that?”

Clinton – “Nah. Better to just go all the way and let Hill have the biggest landslide in history. She will just be pleased as punch!”

Trump – “ Eight more months of this horsesh_t? I’m getting a little tired you know.”

Clinton – “But you’re a god! Ha! It won’t be so bad. Enjoy it!”

Trump – “ Alright. But tell Hill to go easy on me. No crap about my tax returns, OK?”

Clinton – “You got it, Bud. Now you know I just bought a new driver – the TaylorMade M2? Can’t wait to try it out this weekend.”

Trump – “Meet you at the club at nine Saturday.”

Clinton – “Tell me, is that sh_t about Cruz and the five mistresses true?”

Trump – “Who knows? If you were a woman would you want to screw that miskayt loser?”

Clinton – “Touche!”

Photo | cnn.com

 

 

Republican National Committee chairman, Reince Priebus, has unveiled the floor plan for the upcoming Republican National Convention.

“We are pleased with the work done by convention designer and architect, Art Vandelay. The RNC believes the setting will work well with the level of excitement anticiapted among our delegates.”

It is widely rumored Vince McMahon will be named Republican Convention Chairman.

The Republican National Convention will be held in Cleveland, Ohio at the Quicken Loans Arena July 18-21, 2016.

Photo | gamefaqs.com