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Trump Fails U.S. Citizenship Test

October 12, 2017 by John DeProspo Leave a Comment

According to recent news reports, Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson, referred to Trump as a moron.

While Tillerson sought to refute the claim at an impromptu news conference shortly after the story broke, going so far as to refer to his boss as “smart,” he did not specifically deny having called Trump a dumb, stupid moron.

This Tuesday, Trump was quoted by Forbes as saying, “I think it’s fake news, but if he did that, I guess we’ll have to compare IQ tests. And I can tell you who is going to win.”

As of this date, Tillerson has not accepted Trump’s challenge.

Yesterday, a group of recently naturalized citizens issued a challenge of their own to the 45th president of the United States … “Can you pass the U.S. Citizenship Test?”

Trump took the exam and failed miserably, scoring 50% (Six of the ten questions need to be answered correctly to pass).

The self-proclaimed genius has claimed the test was fixed and contained too many trick questions.

Here are the five out of 10 “trick questions” Trump failed to correctly answer:

  1. Who wrote the Declaration of Independence? Instead of answering Thomas Jefferson, Trump answered Abraham Lincoln.
  2. What are the three branches of government? Instead of answering legislative, executive and judicial, Trump answered legislative, executive and military.
  3. Which amendment guarantees freedom of speech? Instead of answering the First Amendment, Trump answered the Second Amendment.
  4. What guarantees a citizen’s right to vote? Instead of answering the Constitution, Trump answered state legislators.
  5. What does separation of church and state mean? Instead of answering the government is prevented from officially recognizing or favoring any religion, Trump answered religion and politics cannot be taught in the same classroom.

According to U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services, 91% of foreign-born applicants pass the naturalization test. But, in Trump’s defense, they have an unfair advantage … they tend to study.

Photos| tusconsentinal.com, cnn.com

Caution – this could be fake news!

Can you pass the citizenship test? Click here to give it a try.

 

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: citizenship test, Donald Trump, fail, IQ test, moron, Rex Tillerson

Trump To Return Statue Of Liberty To France

September 6, 2017 by John DeProspo 2 Comments

Donald Trump is deporting Lady Liberty.

By way of a controversial executive order signed yesterday, Trump is packing up the iconic symbol of American freedom and shipping her off to her country of birth.

“Since 1886, she has been standing in New York Harbor welcoming the tired, the poor and huddled masses,” said Trump. “No more. What she really has welcomed to our shores are criminals, drug dealers and rapists. And some good people, I’m sure.”

“We just can’t afford to have all those foreigners continue to take our good American jobs. And we can’t afford giving them free stuff like food, clothing and shelter, either. Did you know she actually asks other countries to send us their homeless?” Trump pointed out.

Trump has a few ideas for the pedestal that wll remain on Liberty Island.

“I think we should honor a true patriot with a statute. Robert E. Lee, a great man and fabulous general comes to mind,” offered Trump. “Or we could honor one of the greatest American presidents and my favorite, Andrew Jackson. And, by the way, there is no way a radical like Harriet Tubman is going to replace Old Hickory on the twenty-dollar bill. Not while I’m president.”

When informed of the news, French president, Emmanuel Macron, was saddened his country’s gift to America, commemorating the alliance of France and the United States during the American Revolution, was being returned.

“This truly is a dark day for liberty, democracy and for all the peoples of the world that look to America as a beacon of hope,” said Macron. ”But we will re-gift it to a country that still believes in the ideals Lady Liberty stands for … our great friend Canada.”

Mass protests have already broken out in major cities throughout the United States. Americans are up in arms over the removal of the beloved statue.

“Yes, there are some Americans who want to keep Lady Liberty, whose real name is La Liberté éclairant le monde, by the way,” said Trump. “But there are also many people who want her to go. I think many more people.”

An online petition has been started for Congress to pass a law protecting the Statue of Liberty and overriding Trump’s executive order.

Will Congress act in time?

Photo | modernliberals.com

 

 

 

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: deport, Donald Trump, Lady Liberty, remove, Statue of Liberty, trump

Hateful White Men Apparently Also Detest Mosquitoes

August 12, 2017 by John DeProspo 1 Comment

After a run on Tiki torches at the local Home Depot, a large group of white nationalists marched through the streets of Charlottesville, Va. to demonstrate their hatred and fear of non-whites … and mosquitoes.

Reports indicate not one single supremacist was bitten by the dreaded insect but a few were beaten up by counter-protesters.

Home Depot anticipates having more torches in stock within a few days.

Photo | randyrainbow/facebook

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: charlottesville, mosquitoes, nationalists, supremacists, tiki torches, virginia

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