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Trump Vows To Appeal Supreme Court Decision On Taxes

February 23, 2021 by John DeProspo 1 Comment

The United States Supreme Court issued a devasting decision yesterday when it refused to block the release of Trump’s tax returns to the Manhattan District Attorney, Cyrus Vance.

In what has become a reflex action whenever Trump is on the losing end of a court case, he vowed to appeal the ruling, saying it allows for the “greatest political Witch Hunt in the history of our country” to continue.

In a lengthy written response to the decision, Trump attacked the Court for letting “this ‘fishing expedition’ happen” in the first place.

No one around the former-occupant-of-the-White-House had the nerve to inform him that the Supreme Court is the highest court in the land; that it is known as the court of last resort for a reason.

It is quite possible Donald Trump believes the World Court, headquartered in the Hague, has jurisdiction over the U.S. Supreme Court but, if he had paid attention in his high school history class, he’d know the court, also known as the International Court of Justice, settles disputes involving sovereign states in accordance with international law.

Or is it possible Trump has fallen into a Louis XIV mindset … “L’etat, c’est moi”?

Photo | abc.net.au

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: appeal, Donald Trump, loss, satire, supreme court, taxes, World Court

Trump Hires Top D.C. Law Firm After Exodus of Current Legal Team

January 31, 2021 by John DeProspo Leave a Comment

With little more than one week before the start of his impeachment trial in the Senate, Donald Trump’s entire legal team has quit.

But, with the kind of swift action Trump has come to be known for, the Washington D.C. law firm of Dewey, Cheatem & Howe has been hired to take up his defense.

It is believed the firm’s senior partner, Mr. Cheatem, will personally head Mr. Trump’s legal efforts.

When asked how he plans to defend the former, now twice-impeached president, Mr. Cheatem offered a very basic, elemental strategy.

“We are going to impress upon the Republican Senators who will control Mr. Trump’s fate, ‘If you wish to remain in office, you must not f**k us’.”

With such a brilliant, yet simple, legal strategy, is there any wonder why Dewey, Cheatem & Howe is D.C.’s premier law firm?

Photo | britannica.com

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: D.C. law firm, Dewey Cheatem & Howe, Donald Trump, impeachment, law firm, satire, senate trial, trial

White House Sets Up “Pardon Hotline”

December 23, 2020 by John DeProspo 3 Comments

With less than one month remaining in office, Donald Trump’s White House has established a “pardon hotline” to expedite the granting of presidential pardons to crooks.

“Over the last few months, we’ve been flooded with pardon requests from felons across the country,” said a White House spokesperson. “The old method of filing your request with the Justice Department is just too long and cumbersome.” 

Lawbreakers of all stripes can simply call 1 800 P-A-R-D-O-N-M-E or 1 800 727-3665. 

The spokesperson said special consideration will be given to those criminals who have made a “decent” contribution to Trump’s “Election Defense Fund.”

Asked if Trump isn’t just pulling a Blagojevich (soliciting a bride for a favor), the White House spokesperson said, “No, there is a big difference. What Blagojevich did was a crime. You can’t sell a senate seat. What Trump is doing is 100% legally within his Constitutional power.”

“The beauty of the hotline,” added the spokesperson, “is that when you call, you’ll get your answer right away. You’ll be speaking directly to the Pardoner-in-Chief, President Trump. And, yes, this will result in some very long hold times, estimated to be up to 5 hours, but we have some great music on hold.”

Currently the Village People’s Y.M.C.A. is playing on a continuous loop.

While Democrats have accused Trump of abusing his pardon power to reward allies and undermine the rule of law, House Intelligence Committee Chairman, Adam Schiff, inadvertently advertised the hotline when he said:

 “If you lie to cover up for the President, you get a pardon. If you are a corrupt politician who endorsed Trump, you get a pardon. If you murder civilians while at war, you get a pardon.”

Some political pundits have cynically said that while the phone call is free, the get-out-of-jail-free-card certainly is not.

Photo | theatlantic.com/REUTERS/Jonathan Ernst

Filed Under: satire

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