Only days after telling NBC’s Kristen Welker on Meet the Press that he wasn’t sure whether a president was required to uphold the Constitution, Donald J. Trump has taken decisive action: he’s issued an executive order declaring the U.S. Constitution “unconstitutional.”
In what historians are already calling “a full-blown constitutional WTF,” Trump dismissed the revered document as “very rude, very unfair, and frankly, not nice to me.”
Speaking from a gold-plated podium at Mar-a-Lago, Trump explained: “Look, the Constitution—it’s very, very old. It’s feeble, like Sleepy Joe. Nobody talks about this, but it’s outdated, okay? Outdated. It was written by men in powdered wigs. Wigs! I know a lot about fake hair. Total frauds.”
Legal scholars across the country were reportedly stunned.
“This is, legally speaking, batshit,” said Stacy Farnsworth, professor of constitutional law at Yale. “We knew he misunderstood the Constitution, but we didn’t think he’d actually cancel it like a Netflix mini-series.”
Reactions in Congress were divided. Senator Susan Collins expressed “concern.” Meanwhile, other GOP leaders shrugged. “I mean, the Constitution’s had a good run,” said House Speaker Mike Johnson. “But maybe it’s time for something written in simpler words and larger font.”
Asked by a reporter if the U.S. Supreme Court was still necessary, Trump shook his head.
“No, no, totally unnecessary. Overrated. I’ve been to court like, a hundred times. And I always win or appeal or delay—it’s a beautiful system. But we don’t need them.”
Trump then pulled a Mar-a-Lago dinner menu from his podium, flipped it over, and scribbled “Executive Order: Supreme Court is Fired” in thick black Sharpie, just above the dessert specials.
According to insiders, Trump plans to replace the Constitution with a new one-page document called “The Trump Code,” described as a “more modern, freedom-forward contract” that includes:
- Trump is always right
- Presidents named Trump can serve unlimited terms
- All amendments must be approved by Truth Social polls.
When pressed on what legal authority he had to take such actions, Trump replied, “I have all the authority. Total authority. The best authority. Honestly, George Washington would be jealous.”
Leave a Reply