Just as he is having a hard time lining up a VP pick, Trump is having difficulty finding speakers for his coronation in Cleveland. The Republican nominating convention will be held at the Quicken Loans Arena in Cleveland, Ohio, July 18-21.

The latest to say no is Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback, Ben Roethlisberger.

“I like Mr. Trump a lot but I haven’t even endorsed him!” said Big Ben. “And anyway, I am busy that weekend. I’m mowing my lawn. I have a lot of grass.”

Many establishment Republicans have either said they would not be attending the GOP convention or are refusing a speaking slot. A who’s who list of prominent and up-and-coming Republicans, including the three Bushes, Mitt Romney, John McCain, John Kasich, Lindsey Graham, Kelly Ayotte, and rising star Mia Love— plan to skip the GOP lovefest.

This may leave Trump no other option than his “Plan B.”

“I’m thinking about getting some of the great sports people I know, who like me a lot,” Trump said a few weeks ago. “We may call it ‘The Winners’ Evening’.”

Included on Trump’s wish list are: Tom Brady, Mike Ditka, Mike Tyson, Bobby Knight, Dennis Rodman, Lou Holz and Jesse Ventura.

If Trump follows through with his plan, it would be the first Republican convention where the stage is filled with mostly athletic supporters.

Trump did get some good news recently. The hit act of the 2012 Republican convention said they’d show.

Clint Eastwood and his assistant, “The Chair” will have a prime time speaking slot. They certainly earned such an honor after the bang up job they did for Mitt Romney!

Some of Trump’s other show biz friends have indicated they would be happy to speak at the big show.

Fresh from his smash Las Vegas act, the comedian Carrot Top has agreed to not only speak but also perform part of his comedy routine.

The list of celebrities who say they will attend the convention, and who are open to speechifying, includes: Gary Busey, Ted Nugent, Fran Drescher, Charlie Sheen, Scott Baio, and Wayne Newton.

“It’s going to be a beautiful convention,” said Trump. “Classy. Like nothing you have ever seen before, I can assure you that.”

Photo | profootballtalk.nbcsports.com

On the heals of a new bill signed into law by Indiana Gov. Mike Pence, which bans abortions sought because of fetal genetic abnormalities, the state’s Republican-controlled legislature is poised to outlaw masturbation; male masturbation, to be exact.

The new anti-masturbation bill, which Gov. Pence has promised to sign once it reaches his desk, makes it a crime for a man to sow his seed without regard to procreation.

“Masturbation is murder,” said Indiana legislative leader, Harold Handler.

“It is not just murder of the sperm but also of the spirit. Masturbation is a sin,” claimed Handler. “Sin marks the demise of the soul unless you are saved by Jesus.”

When confronted with the biological fact that masturbation is not conception but just the releasing of cells from your body and that only when a sperm is united with a woman’s egg does a new life begin, Handler replied, “The Bible says that it is better for your seed to fall in the belly of a whore than on the ground. This shows that, according to God, the act of masturbation is more sinful than the act of prostitution or adultery.”

“But if you’re talking about murdering the sperm, “I asked, “You might as well say that a woman having her period is murder because her body gets rid of the egg?”

Handler replied that there currently is a bill in subcommittee tackling that very issue.

When asked why he would sign such an unenforceable and clearly unconstitutional bill, Gov. Pence replied, “It is our job as elected officials to protect the sanctity of life… all life. And that is exactly what this bill does.”

“Why has American influence been on a downward spiral over the last few decades?” asked Gov. Pence. “Because of the increase in pornography, masturbation, and the proliferation of perverts in our nation. America has lost its moral compass. It is losing its masculine Christian essence because our youth are being allowed to spill their seed wherever they desire. We must stop it.”

When questioned how such a law could possibly be enforced, the governor replied, ”We know it will be difficult, especially in the privacy of one’s home. But any public masturbation will be met with a stiff fine, and in rare cases, jail time. Do you have any idea how many men masturbate in theaters?”

The new anti-abortion law has stirred-up a hornet’s nest among women. If this new anti-masturbation law goes into effect, you can be sure men will not just sit on there hands.

(AP Photo/Darron Cummings)

Rome, April 15, 2016 – After today’s inspiring speech at a Vatican conference hosted by the Pontifical Academy of Social Sciences, a scholarly association in Vatican City, Bernie Sanders had a private audience with the Holy Father, Pope Francis.

Below is a transcript of the meeting:

Sanders – “It is such a pleasure and honor to meet you, your Holiness.”

Pope – “You can just call me Fran, OK?”

Sanders – “Sure Holy Father… I mean Fran. It’s just that I’m a little nervous meeting with one of my heroes.”

Pope – “You are too kind, Signore Sanders.”

Sanders – “You can just call me Bernie, Sir … I mean Fran.”

Pope – “I like very much how you talk about income inequality in your country. The billionaires just care for themselves. Always want more, more, more.”

Sanders – “Yes, we have a serious wealth gap in the United States. The top 1/10th of 1 percent — not 1 percent — the top 1/10th of 1 percent today in America owns almost as much wealth as the bottom 90 percent.”

Pope – “I know. I listen to your speeches. Here we have cable. I get CNN.”

Sanders – “And I hear your speeches about our corrupt political-economic system. I really like it when you take on “trickle-down” economics… I think you called it a crock or something?”

Pope – “I called it the dung of the Devil. Now, Signore Sanders … I mean, Bernie, I hear you are a Jew but not a practicing Jew?”

Sanders – “That is correct. I believe that there is a connection between all living things, and that my belief in God requires me to do all that I can to follow the ‘Golden Rule,’ to do unto others and as I would have them do unto me.”

Pope – “Brava, Brava! You hit the nail, as they say, on top of the head!”

Sanders – “ Thank you Fran. People say my chances of becoming the next president, well, they say I don’t have a prayer.”

Pope – “I pray for you, Bernie. Let’s keep in touch. Here is my private email address, on my private server.”

Photo | dailynewsbin.com