Within two days, the all-important Democratic Nevada Caucus will take place. In a contest that has gotten increasingly tight, each presidential candidate is reaching out for support wherever he or she may find it.

Now, a group of sex workers calling themselves, “Hookers 4 Hillary,” are trying to arouse interest in Hillary Clinton’s campaign.

The idea of organizing sex workers to support Clinton actually was the brainchild of brothel owner Dennis Hof. “I want the girls to be part of the political process,” said Hof . “We talk about the candidates, and 490 out of 540 ladies decided to support Hillary.”

Hof owns a number of Nevada brothels, including the Moonlight Bunny Ranch and Kit Kat Guest Ranch near Carson City, the Love Ranch Las Vegas and the Alien Cathouse, a space-themed brothel near Area 51.

“We girls are supporting Hillary because we believe she is the presidential candidate most likely to protect Obamacare from being repealed,” said group member Chesty Mae. ‘You know as sex workers healthcare is very important to us.”

In an effort to boost turnout for Hillary, the prostitutes are offering a 25 percent discount to Nevada local customers willing to caucus for the former secretary of state.

“Hookers 4 Hillary” member Candy Kisses, 29, added another reason why the girls chose to support Hillary, “I think Bill Clinton is hot. I would do him free of charge.”

When Ethel Meese, 89, a Sanders supporter at the Happy Valley Retirement Home heard about the hookers trying to stimulate support for Hillary, she formed her own support group for the 74 year old Vermont senator, “Geriatrics for Bernie.”

“We are not too old to get involved in the political process or make it out to the caucuses. We like what Bernie stands for and he is such a handsome young man,” said Meese.

Photo | hookers4hillary.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Following Justice Antonin Scalia’s unexpected passing, his will has been made public by his personal attorney. The bulk of his estate will be split among his wife, children and grandchildren. A small portion of his sizable fortune, estimated at over $50 million, will go to the NRA.

In an unusual move, the late associate justice provided a directive in his will that in the event of his death while still serving on the Court, he wished to have his seat filled by a well-known, but divisive, public figure: Dick Cheney.

Of course Scalia’s wish has no legal or constitutional bearing on who the next justice will be. The sole responsibility for choosing a Supreme Court justice is squarely left to the president.

When informed of Scalia’s wish, Cheney said, “Antonin Scalia was a great man, a true conservative with a brilliant mind. I am honored he would want me to be his successor on the bench. I certainly would consider such a position if it were made available to me.”

President Obama has been rumored to have a short list of potential nominees. It is very unlikely Cheney made the cut. In fact, when informed of Scalia’s wish, Obama was reported as having said something akin to “when hell freezes over.”

Republicans have stated they will oppose any Obama nominee to fill Scalia’s seat. They have promised to not even consider or vote on Obama’s pick.

“The American people‎ should have a voice in the selection of their next Supreme Court Justice. Therefore, this vacancy should not be filled until we have a new President,” Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Ky said in a statement.

The Republican strategy assumes a Republican victory in November.

Ted Cruz and Donald Trump, the two frontrunners for the Republican presidential nomination, were asked if they would consider a Cheney appointment.

“Dick Cheney is a great man, a true conservative with a brilliant mind, “ said Cruz. “I would be honored to offer up his nomination to the bench.”

Donald Trump was not so enthusiastic about Dick Cheney as an associate justice. “Isn’t he the guy who pushed Bush into invading Iraq?” asked Trump. “I would prefer nominating someone outside of politics or even the legal profession. I would give serious thought to my good friend, Bill O’Reilly. Great man and a true conservative with a brilliant mind.”

As a Supreme Court justice, Antonin Scalia must have known he had no constitutional power to pick or even suggest his replacement. Many scholars are attributing Scalia’s unusual request to the fact he had been showing signs of Alzheimer’s for the past 10 years.

Photo |  Mark Avery/Orange County Register/ZUMA Press

warning: If you did not realize it, this article is satire! Of course, followers of this blog know that.

 

 

 

As is their custom, Bill and Hillary Clinton celebrated Valentine’s Day with an intimate dinner at their favorite Chappaqua Italian restaurant, Old Stone Trattoria. Unknown to them, their conversation was secretly recorded. Below is a transcript of their discussion:

Hillary – “Bill, I’m scared.”

Bill – “Scared of what, baby?”

Hillary – “I’m afraid it’s going to be 2008 all over again. First Barack, now Bernie.”

Bill – “Now don’t worry. Bernie is no Obama. He’s an old man past his presidential expiration date. You’ll bounce back big in South Carolina. Believe me. Heck, Nate Silver has you up 95% to 5%!”

Hillary – “That’s what scares me. Just look at Nevada. I was up on Bernie 50%-27% just a month ago. Now polls show us tied at 45%. If I lose there next week, what’s going to happen in South Carolina?”

Bill – “You are going to win in Nevada … and South Carolina where Bernie has no chance. Do you think South Carolina voters are going to go for an old Jewish socialist? Really Hill!”

Hillary – “You’re probably right but I just have this sick feeling in my stomach. I can’t shake it.”

Bill – “Here, have some of this pinot noir and relax. No matter what happens with Nevada, you’ve got the black vote sewn up in South Carolina. They love you there.”

Hillary – “Bill, why don’t people everywhere love me? Am I just unlikable?”

Bill – “You’re likeable enough.”

Hillary – “There it is! That’s exactly what Barack said during one of our debates! That’s it! I’m losing because people hate me!”

Bill – “You’ve just got to try some of this rigatoni alfredo. The best!”

Hillary – “Are you listening to what I’m saying? I don’t want to taste your goddamn rigatoni alfredo!”

Bill – “Chill baby, chill. It’s going to be just fine. The whole establishment is pulling for you and Debbie has got your back.”

Hillary – “That’s it. That’s what it is. People just out and out hate me! I’m done. I’m through. I can’t take this. Let’s go!”

Bill – “But honey, not before their world-famous cheesecake!”

That is where the conversation ended. Bill did have enough time to ask for a doggy bag for his pasta and a slice of cheesecake to go.

Photo | radaronline.com