What was once considered unthinkable is looking more than ever of becoming reality. With his commanding lead in all Republican presidential polls, billionaire business and novice politician, Donald Trump, is starting to think about possible cabinet appointees.

In a list made available only to MM, below is the secret lineup of advisers (heads of the fifteen executive departments) a President Trump would look to for guidance.

 

Secretary of State	Sarah Palin
Secretary of the Treasury	Grover Norquist
Secretary of Defense	Sylvester Stallone
Attorney General	Judge Judy
Secretary of the Interior	Martha Stewart
Secretary of Agriculture	Willie Nelson
Secretary of Commerce	Sean Combs (P Diddy)
Secretary of Labor	Nadya Suleman (Octomom)
Secretary of Health and Human Services	Charles Koch
Secretary of Housing and Urban Development	Steve Wynn
Secretary of Transportation	Richard Branson
Secretary of Energy	Alex Rodriguez
Secretary of Education	Michelle Bachmann
Secretary of Veterans Affairs	Ted Nugent
Secretary of Homeland Security	Wayne LaPierre

The Trump campaign did admit the job of Secretary of State was a difficult choice between Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann (Secy. of Education). But in the end, Palin’s diplomatic skills, coupled with her command of the English language won her the nod. Said Trump, “I also liked she had experience in international affairs. From her home in Alaska, she could see Russia.”

Photo | slate.com

 

 

Donald Trump recently mocked Hillary Clinton for her late return to the debate stage at last week’s Democratic debate. It was later revealed by the Clinton campaign that Hillary’s bathroom break took longer than expected.

“Where did Hillary go?” Trump asked. “They had to start the debate without her. … I know where she went. It’s disgusting. I don’t want to talk about it.”

What appeared to many as something innocuous has been ratcheted up by Trump into another Clinton scandal: “Peegate.”

At a rally in Grand Rapids, Michigan, Trump elaborated on what he believes may be a disqualifying factor for Hillary: she suffers from female incontinence.

“You see folks, for Hillary it is not just going to the bathroom. It’s that whole Depends thing. You know, the adult diapers many older women wear. It’s a pain to take them off and put on a new one,” said Trump.

“Now, I know she won’t admit it, but to me that disqualifies her for the presidency. Can you imagine a high level meeting with Putin and Hillary has to excuse herself to go change her diaper? Really?” reasoned Trump.

When asked by reporters if he had proof that Hillary wears diapers, Trump said, “Not exactly. That is why I am calling for the release of her complete medical record.”

“If she has nothing to hide, what’s the problem?” asked Trump. “If getting her entire medical record out is too much, a letter from her doctor would be good. Hey, I just released a letter from my guy, Dr. Harold Bornstein.”

Trump’s physician gave Trump a glowing bill of heath, stating Trump’s health was not only good but “amazingly excellent.” Said Bornstein, “If elected, Mr. Trump, I can state unequivocally, will be the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency.”

Will Trump be successful in turning “Peegate” into another Clinton scandal? Time will tell. House Republicans, however, have already expressed their willingness to form another select committee to investigate this latest Clinton “irregularity.”

Image courtesy of Suat Eman at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

 

 

 

 

 

To the dismay of his supporters, Sen. Lindsey Graham has quit the Republican presidential contest. In an unprecedented move, Graham sent personalized “thank you” letters to each backer, all eleven.

“I knew my candidacy was a long shot,” said Graham, “but I wanted to get the message out that unless we have boots on the ground in every country that hates our guts, we will never be safe.”

The third-term Republican senator who also served eight years in the House, is considered a national security hawk and a foreign policy expert. He is beloved in his home state of South Carolina, despite his occasionally moderate leanings.

But what may have sabotaged his candidacy more than anything else is his “bachelor” status and the persistent “gay” rumors. When asked who would be his first lady, his promise to have “a rotating first lady” drew giggles and jokes—including a quip by Sen. Mark Kirk that Graham was a “bro with no ho.” Graham did not help his cause when he said, in a somewhat melancholy manner, being single did not make him a “defective person.”

Gay rumors have long plagued the senator and other South Carolina politicians have even implied that Graham is closeted.

Apparently Graham’s attempts to make light of his never having had a wife did not play well with the American public. Even though we live in a more tolerant time, it is still the case that nobody looks presidential when they’re anxiously explaining why they’re single in their 50s.

John McCain, perhaps Graham’s best friend, tried to quell the gay rumors when he told a reporter that Graham indeed loved women. “I know for a fact he went to his senior prom at D.W. Daniel High School with a southern belle name Peggy Sue Jenkins.”

Research, however, showed Graham’s date in 1973 was his first and last … at least with a member of the opposite sex.

Photo | abcnews.go.com