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“Of Course Trump Will Be The Nominee!” Say Loyal Supporters

January 3, 2016 by John DeProspo 4 Comments

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Ahead of the next Republican presidential debate scheduled for January 14 in North Charleston, South Carolina, I had the opportunity to interview a few Donald Trump supporters. I was taken aback by their fierce loyalty to the TV celebrity/real estate billionaire. Here are some of their comments:

“The man is not a politician. I just love that! He speaks his mind and really cares about people like me,” said Abigail Scruggs at her home at the Green Valley trailer park. “ Trump’s good with money. He’s a successful businessman who climbed the ladder of success.”

I asked Ms. Scruggs how a billionaire who lives in luxury penthouses could possibly relate to someone living in a trailer home, on social security disability benefits? Her reply was quick. “He wasn’t always a billionaire! I heard he started at the bottom with only a small loan from his daddy. He’s an American success story! People like that don’t forget their roots.” Yes, Trump has admitted to a humble beginning with only a small loan from his father ($1 million.)

“I like that he wants to make ‘Merica great again by getting rid of all the immigrants,” said Jim Bob Mosley. “And unlike that Kenyan Obama, he doesn’t want to let those Muslim refugee terrorists into the country.” I asked Mosley if he believes Trump wants to deport all immigrants or just those here Illegally. “Who cares, they don’t belong here. Build the goddamn wall!”

“Trump’s a born leader. He’s a very smart man. He even said he would be the smartest president if elected,” offered Jenny Davis.” He will run rings around all those dumb world leaders, including Putin.” It was widely reported Putin recently called Trump an “absolute leader,” and praised him for his brilliant mind.

When asked if they would support Ted Cruz (or any other Republican) if Trump were not the Republican nominee, the response was unanimous. “Of course Trump will be the nominee! He’s winning in all the polls. How can he lose? Heck in our state his lead over Cruz is 20 points.” The most recent Fox poll does indeed have Trump leading Cruz by exactly 20 points.

It seems Trump’s loyal supporters can’t even envision the possibility of his not getting the nomination. Call it a case of unconditional love. (For Trump Supporters, It’s Unconditional Love)

Photo | plus.google.com

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Filed Under: satire

Mama Comes To The Aid Of Her Son Jeb

December 28, 2015 by John DeProspo Leave a Comment

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Following Donald Trump’s latest taunt, Barbara Bush has come to the defense of her much-maligned son, Jeb. Trump, on Sunday’s Meet The Press, labeled Jeb “an embarrassment to the Bush family.”

“My son is a good and decent boy. The whole family loves him and is proud of all his accomplishments,” said Mama Bush. “I just thought we, as a country, didn’t need another Bush in the White House.”

Before declaring his run for the Republican presidential nomination, Barbara Bush famously gave Jeb her advice: Don’t. (What’s Wrong With Jeb?) But the offer ($$$$) from the GOP establishment was just too good to pass up. Jeb took the bait.

What the country has discovered over the past seven months is that while Jeb may be the smarter Bush (academically), George W. is by far the more talented Bush (politically). Jeb just doesn’t come across as the type of guy the average Republican voter would want to have a beer with. With Jeb, it would be more about some boring policy discussion.

What Republicans want from their 2016 nominee is the same thing that George and Jerry pitched to the executives at NBC … a show about “Nothing.” Political experience and policy chops just don’t cut it with the current crop of angry, fed-up GOP voters.

In the latest Iowa and New Hampshire polls, Jeb finds himself in fifth place and sixth place, respectively. The distance between Jeb and the front-runner Trump is almost as wide as the distance between Sarah Palin’s Alaska home and her view of Russia.

“Now that Jeb is in the race, my boy is in it to win it,” said a defiant Mama Bush. “We Bushes are firmly behind him. You know, we’re a very competitive bunch. We hate losing, especially to a  low life, degenerate, imbecile carnival barker like Trump!”

If only Jeb had made Mama his campaign manager!

Photo | thecontributor.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: satire

Confident Trump Lining up Cabinet

December 27, 2015 by John DeProspo 11 Comments

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What was once considered unthinkable is looking more than ever of becoming reality. With his commanding lead in all Republican presidential polls, billionaire business and novice politician, Donald Trump, is starting to think about possible cabinet appointees.

In a list made available only to MM, below is the secret lineup of advisers (heads of the fifteen executive departments) a President Trump would look to for guidance.

 

Secretary of State Sarah Palin
Secretary of the Treasury Grover Norquist
Secretary of Defense Sylvester Stallone
Attorney General Judge Judy
Secretary of the Interior Martha Stewart
Secretary of Agriculture Willie Nelson
Secretary of Commerce Sean Combs (P Diddy)
Secretary of Labor Nadya Suleman (Octomom)
Secretary of Health and Human Services Charles Koch
Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Steve Wynn
Secretary of Transportation Richard Branson
Secretary of Energy Alex Rodriguez
Secretary of Education Michelle Bachmann
Secretary of Veterans Affairs Ted Nugent
Secretary of Homeland Security Wayne LaPierre

The Trump campaign did admit the job of Secretary of State was a difficult choice between Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann (Secy. of Education). But in the end, Palin’s diplomatic skills, coupled with her command of the English language won her the nod. Said Trump, “I also liked she had experience in international affairs. From her home in Alaska, she could see Russia.”

Photo | slate.com

 

Filed Under: satire

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