Donald Trump recently mocked Hillary Clinton for her late return to the debate stage at last week’s Democratic debate. It was later revealed by the Clinton campaign that Hillary’s bathroom break took longer than expected.

“Where did Hillary go?” Trump asked. “They had to start the debate without her. … I know where she went. It’s disgusting. I don’t want to talk about it.”

What appeared to many as something innocuous has been ratcheted up by Trump into another Clinton scandal: “Peegate.”

At a rally in Grand Rapids, Michigan, Trump elaborated on what he believes may be a disqualifying factor for Hillary: she suffers from female incontinence.

“You see folks, for Hillary it is not just going to the bathroom. It’s that whole Depends thing. You know, the adult diapers many older women wear. It’s a pain to take them off and put on a new one,” said Trump.

“Now, I know she won’t admit it, but to me that disqualifies her for the presidency. Can you imagine a high level meeting with Putin and Hillary has to excuse herself to go change her diaper? Really?” reasoned Trump.

When asked by reporters if he had proof that Hillary wears diapers, Trump said, “Not exactly. That is why I am calling for the release of her complete medical record.”

“If she has nothing to hide, what’s the problem?” asked Trump. “If getting her entire medical record out is too much, a letter from her doctor would be good. Hey, I just released a letter from my guy, Dr. Harold Bornstein.”

Trump’s physician gave Trump a glowing bill of heath, stating Trump’s health was not only good but “amazingly excellent.” Said Bornstein, “If elected, Mr. Trump, I can state unequivocally, will be the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency.”

Will Trump be successful in turning “Peegate” into another Clinton scandal? Time will tell. House Republicans, however, have already expressed their willingness to form another select committee to investigate this latest Clinton “irregularity.”

Image courtesy of Suat Eman at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

 

 

 

 

 

To the dismay of his supporters, Sen. Lindsey Graham has quit the Republican presidential contest. In an unprecedented move, Graham sent personalized “thank you” letters to each backer, all eleven.

“I knew my candidacy was a long shot,” said Graham, “but I wanted to get the message out that unless we have boots on the ground in every country that hates our guts, we will never be safe.”

The third-term Republican senator who also served eight years in the House, is considered a national security hawk and a foreign policy expert. He is beloved in his home state of South Carolina, despite his occasionally moderate leanings.

But what may have sabotaged his candidacy more than anything else is his “bachelor” status and the persistent “gay” rumors. When asked who would be his first lady, his promise to have “a rotating first lady” drew giggles and jokes—including a quip by Sen. Mark Kirk that Graham was a “bro with no ho.” Graham did not help his cause when he said, in a somewhat melancholy manner, being single did not make him a “defective person.”

Gay rumors have long plagued the senator and other South Carolina politicians have even implied that Graham is closeted.

Apparently Graham’s attempts to make light of his never having had a wife did not play well with the American public. Even though we live in a more tolerant time, it is still the case that nobody looks presidential when they’re anxiously explaining why they’re single in their 50s.

John McCain, perhaps Graham’s best friend, tried to quell the gay rumors when he told a reporter that Graham indeed loved women. “I know for a fact he went to his senior prom at D.W. Daniel High School with a southern belle name Peggy Sue Jenkins.”

Research, however, showed Graham’s date in 1973 was his first and last … at least with a member of the opposite sex.

Photo | abcnews.go.com

 

 

 

Russian President Vladimir Putin recently weighed in on the Republican presidential frontrunner, Donald Trump. “The man is brilliant, “ said Putin. “He is strong, like me.”

While stopping short of endorsing his fellow macho man, Putin did say Trump would make a great president, unlike the cerebral Obama. “Trump, as they say in your country, takes no sh*t. I say that right? He says what he means and means what he says. He’s man you can trust. When he says his hair is real, I believe.”

Putin biggest praise was reserved for Trump’s taste in women. “The man could have any woman on earth and who does he marry? Soviet woman!” exclaimed the former KGB spy. Trump’s first wife, Ivanna (nee Zelníčková) was born in Czechoslovakia and his current wife, Melania (nee Knavs) was born in Slovenia (formerly a part of Yugoslavia.)

Trump is indeed very much a lady’s man, like Putin. In his book, How to Get Rich, Trump wrote: “All of the women on The Apprentice flirted with me—consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected.”

In a 1991 Esquire interview, Trump said: “You know, it doesn’t really matter what [the media] write as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of [expletive].”

When informed of Putin’s praise, Trump remarked, “ Vlad and I are like two brothers from a different mother. We’re both tough, appreciate beauty, don’t believe in political correctness and like riding horses bare-chested.” Asked to provide a photo of himself riding a horse shirtless, we were told, like Trump policy specifics, it would be provided after he’s elected.

Photo| businessinsider.com