It was only a matter of time. As some second-tier candidates are preparing to exit the Republican presidential contest, one well-known celebrity has just announced his entry into the race: Bozo the Clown.

Rience Priebus, Republican National Committee chairman, has confirmed Bozo is now an official candidate for the 2016 race. “All the proper papers have been filed with the FEC and Mr. Bozo meets all the constitutional requirements to run for president. We now look forward to see how he performs in the glaring spotlight of the center ring.”

The odds are high that Bozo will make it into the next debate scheduled for October 28, 2015. New polling just released by Quinnipiac University shows Bozo the Clown with 23% support, trailing only Donald Trump at 25%.

“I am so thrilled to have this opportunity,” said Bozo, “It has always be a dream of mine to run for public office.” When asked what could possibly make someone with zero political experience think he would be an effective politician, especially as president of the United States, Bozo answered, “ The three leading candidates for the Republican party have as much political experience as I have.” Bozo was referring to Donald Trump, Ben Carson and Carly Fiorina.

“It is obvious the Republican field has room for another clown,” said Bozo.” I keep hearing a clown has been at the top of the polls for nearly four months. And now, his numbers are slipping! Frankly, other than the hair, I don’t see much effort on his part in trying to appear clownish. This country is hungry, and ready,  for a true, bona fide clown.”

When asked what his campaign slogan would be, Bozo replied, “A Rubber Chicken In Every Pot! My campaign advisers say it’s a winner.”

Asked if there is one main issue he would focus on, Bozo said, “Yes. Animal cruelty. I’ve seen trainers abuse lions and tigers and bears. Did I just say ‘lion and tigers and bears?’ Oh my! Hehe.”

The next Republican presidential debate should be a ratings bonanza for debate sponsor CNBC. Already the cable network is promoting the telecast as “The Battle Of The Clowns … Really.” Stephen Sondheim’s “Send In The Clowns” is expected to be played as the candidates enter the debate hall. This will be followed by Patsy Cline’s immortal, “Crazy.”

Photo | www.syracuse.com

 

I’m an 18-year-old male in desperate need of some wheels, but I can’t get my license. You see, I keep failing my road test. I think I have a constitutional right to own a car.

People at the DMV tell me I have to pass my driving test to prove I’m a good driver. But I know a lot of people who passed their driving test, and who now own a car, but are bad drivers. I even know some people who drive without a license! My not getting a license is pure and plain discrimination.

As Dwayne La Derriere, president of the KNC (Kids Need Cars) has clearly said, “Cars don’t kill people, people kill people.”

Our government is out of control with all its regulations. In my social studies class last year, I learned that the Fourteenth Amendment says, “No state shall deprive any person of life, liberty, or property … nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.”

Well, my state is depriving me of property … the car I want! Just because I can’t pass my road test, I’m being discriminated against. This is governmental tyranny.

I’m really a good driver. I just don’t do well on tests. Is that a reason to refuse me my license? Deny me my Constitutional right to own and operate a car?

I know I will eventually pass my road test. But I’m going on my fifth try. This is costing me big time.

And talking about cost, when I do get my license and buy a car, I’m told I can’t operate it on the road unless I pay for insurance. WTF! This is government overreach, I tell you.

For all those kids in a similar situation as me, stand up for your rights! Mr. La Derriere needs, and would appreciate, your generous donation to the KNC. Just go to www.governmentregualtionssuck.com.

Image courtesy of Naypong at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

After his successful first visit to the U. S., highlighted by an unprecedented address to a joint meeting of Congress, it appears the first Latin American pontiff has “some splainin’ to do.” It was recently revealed that Pope Francis secretly met with Evangelical martyr and conservative media star, Kim Davis, while in Washington D.C.

Many liberals and progressives who just a few days ago praised the Holy Father for his openness on issues such as immigration, climate change and income inequality, were taken aback by the Pope’s surprise meeting with Davis. Supporters had lauded Francis for avoiding hot-button issues polarizing American society.

Kim Davis has made a name for herself by refusing to issue marriage licenses to same sex couples due to her deeply held religious beliefs. The fact that issuing marriage licenses to all eligible couples is what she was elected to do does not matter to the new religious-intolerance poster girl.

“Why would the Pope take all that goodwill and moral capital he accumulated on his American visit and flush it down the crapper,” asked a confused supporter of the Pope. “There has got to be some explanation, some rationale we don’t know of.”

In an effort to get to the bottom of the story, this reporter interviewed Father Federico Lombardi, director of the Holy See Press Office and Vatican spokesman.

“The Pope grew up in Buenos Aires, Argentina, at a time when the main form of entertainment was watching Hollywood movies. He especially loved female film stars. When he was asked if he would meet with Kim Davis, he of course said “yes.” You see, the Pope’s favorite star of all time is Kim Novak. So he got a little confused. He is 78 years old after all … and a little hard of hearing.”

“So does the Pope believe a government official should be paid for refusing to do the job they were elected to do?” I asked Lombardi. “Absolutely not, “ said the spokesman, “ the Pope believes in an honest day’s pay for an honest day’s work. That is the message he gave to John Boehner during their private talk. And as you saw, Mr. Boehner took it to heart, announcing his resignation from Congress the very next day.”

Like the Pope, Father Lombardi misunderstood my question. But it didn’t pay to tell him I was talking about the Evangelical Kim Davis. The 73 year old Lombardi, I’ve been told, is also a little hard of hearing.

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