After last week’s second Republican presidential debate, the most glowing reviews were for Carly Fiorina. Her impressive showing came on the heels of her winning performance in the first debate, albeit while at “the kid’s table,” (Carly On The Rise).

In the most recent CNN/ORC poll, Ms. Fiorina has shot up to second place among Republican presidential hopefuls with 15 per cent support, trailing only Donald Trump whose support slipped to 24 per cent.

But with a rise in profile comes an increase in scrutiny. There are a number of skeletons in Ms. Fiorina’s closet that will soon be made public, any one of which could derail her bid for the presidency.

Here are the Top 10 reasons why Carly Fiorina will never be president:

1. Declared bankruptcy twice while operating her lemonade stand as a young girl
2. Falsely accused her college roommate of having genital herpes after she stole her boyfriend.
3. Doesn’t like puppies
4. Secretly chews tobacco
5. As a teenager, boiled her sister’s bunny in a fit of rage
6. Was named “Most Likely To Be Mean” by her high school class
7. Palled around with Bella Abzug in the 1970s
8. Cheats at Words with Friends
9. When called “as cold as ice” by an employee at HP, the employee was successfully sued for defamation by “ice.”
10. Pees standing up

Yes, like Herman Cain and Michelle Bachmann before her, Ms. Fiorina will have her 15 minutes of fame. But her star will soon fade. While the current crop of Republican voters may forgive a candidate many things, one fact cannot be overlooked. What sicko doesn’t love puppies!

Image courtesy of SOMMAI at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

On the heels of the recent controversy surrounding whether the Republican presidential frontrunner, Donald Trump, believes President Obama is an American, a group of concerned citizens has demanded that Mr. Trump submit to a DNA test to determine if he is indeed human. “We’re not really sure if Trump is a member of the human race,” said Christy Combs, leader of the group. “I mean, if this person, and I use the word loosely, could become our next president, we want to make sure he is not some space alien sent down to takeover the world.”

When asked what makes the group question Mr. Trump’s humanness, Combs replied, “We’re all very scared. He seems to have a strange power over people. We’ve been watching and listening to Trump on the campaign trail and none of us have heard anything human-like come out of his mouth; no inkling of humanity, if you know what I mean. In addition, we’ve conferred with some of the top scientists and naturalists about Trump’s hair and all have given the same answer, “never quite encountered hair like that in the natural world.”

The group is also concerned about Mr. Trump’s strange facial expressions and the unusual way his lips contort while speaking. All signs, say the group members, that Trump could be an extraterrestrial.

When reached for comment, the Trump camp shrugged off the group’s request as “total nonsense.” Said campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski, “Donald Trump is 100% human. He was born in Queens, New York to human parents. If they want to see the birth certificate, we will gladly provide it.”

When told of the offer, Ms. Combs would have none of it, saying, “And how do we know the certificate is not fake? Answer me that? No, nothing short of a DNA test, analyzed by top doctors and scientists, will satisfy us.”

Bill Spreckels, a group member, is convinced Trump has a spaceship buried in one of his many properties. “Mar-A-Lago” would be the most obvious site. I propose we hire a construction crew to dig up the place,” said Spreckels.

Ed Swoboda, professional comedian and group member, observed,” If Trump is from outer space, he is not only an alien but an illegal one at that! Now that’s rich!”

Image courtesy of dan at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Alabama has updated its science standards so that science is taught in science class. Beginning in 2016, Alabama students will be required to understand the theory of evolution, even though they will not be required to accept the theory.

Unlike current practice, where students rely solely on memorization of facts from textbooks, teachers will now be required to let students figure out things on their own through observation and experimentation, just like real scientists.

Already, however, these new guidelines are causing a stir in the deeply religious Bible Belt state.

Many teachers are objecting to the teaching of evolution as it conflicts with their deeply held religious beliefs. Taking their cue from Kim Davis, the Kentucky clerk who is refusing to issue marriage licenses to same sex couples because of her religious beliefs, these teachers are ready to fight for their faith.

“God created man in his image. That’s what the Good Book says. I have a moral objection to teaching kids they evolved from apes,” said Lucinda Babbett. The 11^th grade science teacher said this is not what she signed up for when she took the job of science teacher.

“When I was hired by my school district, the teaching of evolution was optional. Now it’s mandatory? You can’t change rules mid stream. It’s unfair, “ claimed Babbett.

Republican presidential candidate, Mike Huckabee, has already pledged to take up the cause of the defiant teachers. “They should only follow the law if they think it is right. And this new law is wrong. It goes against God’s teaching. I’m a firm believer we all descended from Adam and Eve,” said Huckabee.

As the new rule does not go into effect until 2016, there is still time for the affected teachers to seek an accommodation from the state legislature. Failing that, there is always the option of a lawsuit.

“I am prepared to go to jail, just like Kim” said a rebellious Lucinda Babbett. “If that’s what God wants, that’s what I’ll do.”

It is believed that when the new science guidelines go into effect, there will be a mass “exodus” from the public schools and a dramatic increase in homeschooling.