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Trump’s Hair Stylist Confirms Hair Real … Sort Of

August 30, 2015 by John DeProspo 2 Comments

ID-100110878

In an effort to get down to the bottom of a swirling controversy (Trump’s hair), I was able to track down and interview Donald Trump’s hair stylist, Angelina Scapaticci, at her Fifth Avenue salon.

“Ms. Scapaticci,” I asked, “how long have you been cutting Mr. Trump’s hair?”

“Oh, I no cut Signore Trump’s hair, I style the hair,” answered the lovely 30 year old hairdresser. “My pappa Enzo cuts the hair. I just do the blow. How you say, giva the hair personality.”

“But you can confirm the hair is real, right?” I asked.

“Oh, yessa, the hair is real. It’s very nica en soft. I pulla very hard with the comb en nothing come off,” replied Ms. Scapaticci.

Realizing she was not the best candidate to confirm Trump’s hair was a living, breathing thing, I asked if I could speak with her father, Enzo.

“Oh, no. Pappa no here. He only have one cliente, Signore Trump. He make appuntamento.” answered Ms. Scapaticci.

“Your father only has Mr. Trump as a customer?” I asked.

“Oh yessa, Signore Trump is a very good tipper,” replied Scapaticci.

“But you’ve seen your father cut his hair, is that correct?” I pressed.

“Oh, no. They usa the backroom. Itsa part of the contratto,” Ms. Scappaticci informed me.

“Contract?” I asked.

“Oh yessa. My father cannot cutta no one else hair and he cant’ talk about Mr. Trump to nobody. How you say, itsa part of a non-disclosure agreamenta,” revealed the stylist.

“So I can’t talk to your father?” I asked.

“Oh no, impossibile!” replied Scapaticci.

“Ms. Scapaticci, I can’t help but notice your accent. Where are you from, Italy?” I inquired.

“Oh yessa, my father and me come from Italia 10 years ago on a visita. We never go back. How you say, we illegal immigrante.” admitted the stylist.

“Does Mr. Trump know your immigration status?” I asked.

“Oh yessa. He help me and my pappa get all the right paper to work here in the shoppa,” answered Scapaticci. “Such a nica man!”

Well, I learned two things; Trump can be selective in who he wants to deport and , according to Scapaticci,  Donald Trump’s hair is real … but whose real hair it is may never be known.

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Image courtesy of marin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

 

Filed Under: satire

Donald Trump, Uniter Not Divider

August 27, 2015 by John DeProspo Leave a Comment

white-supremacy

Say what you will about Donald Trump … he’s an egotist, a carnival barker, a mouth without a brain … there is no denying he, unlike the other mainstream Republican presidential candidates, has been able bring all the disparate factions of the Republican base into one fold … his!

In a recent MM survey, all the different factions that make up today’s Republican Party viewed Trump favorably. No other Republican presidential candidate came close to the billionaire real estate tycoon. Following is a list of the many groups that comprise the base of the GOP, listed from largest to smallest. A word of caution and clarification … many of these groups overlap with one another.

Republican Base

Evangelicals

Tea Baggers

Xenophobes

Gun toters

KKK

White Supremacists

Neo-Nazis

Psychopaths

Homophobes

Red Necks

Your average bigot

Your run-of-the-mill racist

Sadists

Half-wits

The clinically insane

White-collar criminals

What an amazing feat the king of “birtherism” has been able to accomplish!

The question remains how long can the man keep this overwhelming support from such a varied group? Can Trump ride this multilateral wave of support to the Republican nomination? I wouldn’t bet against it.

Photo | moronwatch.net

 

 

Filed Under: satire

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