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In Exchange For Pardon, Giuliani Offers Lifetime Of Legal Services

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Now that Trump’s pardon power has kicked into high gear, many criminals are lining up to secure a get-out-of-jail-free card from the lame-duck president. But not all lawbreakers are wealthy enough to curry favor with Trump.

One prominent presidential associate, Rudy Giuliani, who faces potential criminal liability once Trump leaves office, is said to be seeking a pre-emptive pardon. While Mr. Giuliani has always been a high earner, he is said to be short on cash … three divorces can deplete anyone’s bank account!

It is being reported that Mr. Giuliani has offered Donald Trump a lifetime of legal services in exchange for a full and complete presidential pardon.

Mr. Giuliani’s services are not cheap. Sources have said he is raking in $20,000 a day representing the Trump campaign in the various lawsuits to overturn the 2020 election. Assuming an 8-hour work day, that comes to $2500 per hour!

The same sources say Trump just might go for the deal.

Photo | washingtonpost.com

Trump “Concession” Speech Leaked

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White House sources have revealed Trump is prepared to give his concession speech … soon. 

Below is the leaked copy:

Four years ago, we won a huge victory against Crooked Hillary, with the biggest electoral college win since Ronald Reagan. On my inauguration day, we witnessed something so beautiful … the largest presidential inauguration crowd in history.

And over the past four years we’ve gotten so much done … more than any other administration. So much winning! We won on the military, we won on taxes, we won on the economy, we won on unemployment, we won on trade deals, we won on deregulation, we won on religion, we won on the wall and we won against the China virus.

And now, after a rigged election, people say I should congratulate Sleepy Joe Biden and concede. But how do you concede when all the courts are saying the election was stolen from us through voter fraud? My attorney, Rudy Giuliani, a big baseball fan, keeps saying “it ain’t over ‘til it’s over.” That’s why we’re fighting so hard for democracy, the rule of law and our Constitution.

If you count only the legal votes, there is no doubt I won. Remember when the fake news media said Hillary got three million more votes than me? If you didn’t count the votes of all those illegal Mexican criminals and rapists in California, I got more votes. Now they say Sleepy Joe got six million more votes than me? More fraud, more fake news.

But even though this election was totally unfair, I have decided to leave the White House on January 20. 2021. 

I am hereby announcing my candidacy for president in 2024. I will continue to hold many, many big beautiful rallies.

Our new slogan will be “Make America Great Again … All Over Again” 

I am also using the vast powers given me by Article 2 of the Constitution to pardon myself, my friends and my family of any and all potential crimes, from the start of time to infinity.

So, to all patriotic Americans, stand back and stand by until I’m back in your House in four years.

Photo | politico.com

Joe, It’s Not Too Late … Agree To More Debates!

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Conventional political wisdom has it that the frontrunner in an election wants fewer debates, while the underdog always wants more. So, this summer, when the Trump campaign floated the idea of more debates (over and above the three already agreed to), Biden did the predictable thing … he rejected the offer.

But, as we all know, there is nothing conventional when it comes to Donald Trump. 

As the first presidential debate showed, Trump is his own worst enemy. Many commentators described that first debate as “the worst ever,” thanks mainly to Trump’s obnoxious antics.

And now we’ve had a town hall where Trump, once again, did little to improve his standing among voters … thanks, in part, to the skillful moderating by Savannah Guthrie.

Another tidbit of political wisdom is that, while debates may draw viewers, they rarely change minds.

But with Trump, we may have that rare exception!

Many pundits agree that Trump was the clear loser in both “debates.” They believe he not only failed to improve his electoral chances, but he was so off-putting that he actually may have hurt his odds of winning reelection.

So, go ahead Joe, agree to more “debates” … as many as Trump wants! You’re free tomorrow night, right?

More of Trump’s objectionable shtick can only sway more undecided voters to your camp, Joe, and may even peel off some soft Republican support.

Just one caveat, Mr. Vice President. Any debates you agree to, insist that they are moderated by Savannah Guthrie!

Photo | abcnews.go.com