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After his successful first visit to the U. S., highlighted by an unprecedented address to a joint meeting of Congress, it appears the first Latin American pontiff has “some splainin’ to do.” It was recently revealed that Pope Francis secretly met with Evangelical martyr and conservative media star, Kim Davis, while in Washington D.C.

Many liberals and progressives who just a few days ago praised the Holy Father for his openness on issues such as immigration, climate change and income inequality, were taken aback by the Pope’s surprise meeting with Davis. Supporters had lauded Francis for avoiding hot-button issues polarizing American society.

Kim Davis has made a name for herself by refusing to issue marriage licenses to same sex couples due to her deeply held religious beliefs. The fact that issuing marriage licenses to all eligible couples is what she was elected to do does not matter to the new religious-intolerance poster girl.

“Why would the Pope take all that goodwill and moral capital he accumulated on his American visit and flush it down the crapper,” asked a confused supporter of the Pope. “There has got to be some explanation, some rationale we don’t know of.”

In an effort to get to the bottom of the story, this reporter interviewed Father Federico Lombardi, director of the Holy See Press Office and Vatican spokesman.

“The Pope grew up in Buenos Aires, Argentina, at a time when the main form of entertainment was watching Hollywood movies. He especially loved female film stars. When he was asked if he would meet with Kim Davis, he of course said “yes.” You see, the Pope’s favorite star of all time is Kim Novak. So he got a little confused. He is 78 years old after all … and a little hard of hearing.”

“So does the Pope believe a government official should be paid for refusing to do the job they were elected to do?” I asked Lombardi. “Absolutely not, “ said the spokesman, “ the Pope believes in an honest day’s pay for an honest day’s work. That is the message he gave to John Boehner during their private talk. And as you saw, Mr. Boehner took it to heart, announcing his resignation from Congress the very next day.”

Like the Pope, Father Lombardi misunderstood my question. But it didn’t pay to tell him I was talking about the Evangelical Kim Davis. The 73 year old Lombardi, I’ve been told, is also a little hard of hearing.

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In his speech to a joint meeting of Congress, Pope Francis waded into some turbulent political waters: climate change, immigration, and income inequality. But he avoided perhaps the most controversial issue of the day … the Washington Redskins; more particularly, the football team’s offensive name.

In his private meeting with House Speaker John Boehner, however, the Holy Father asked, “How can a football team have a name that offends so many people, especially native Americans? The name must go.” Boehner replied diplomatically, “I’m not a big football fan so I don’t get involved in issues like that, Your Excellency.”

When word of the Pope’s comment to Boehner was made public, all hell broke loose.

Republican presidential candidates immediately tackled the issue, looking to score points on the pontiff’s gaffe. Jeb Bush offered, “ The Pope needs to stick with what he knows best, religious issues. He’s not qualified to weigh in on American football.” This critique is very similar to Bush’s scolding of the pontiff for delving into the topic of climate change. “He’s not a scientist,” said Bush.

Ted Cruz was quoted as saying, “Are we to get rid of all names that refer to American Indians, such as Braves, Chiefs, Warriors? These names honor the American Indian not insult him.”

Perhaps the sharpest criticism came from the Republican presidential frontrunner, Donald Trump. “With all due respect, the Pope is out of his league here. What does he know about American sports anyway? Sure the name is a slur against Native Americans, but so what? This political correctness has got to stop. People need to grow a pair.”

“What’s next?” asked Trump. “Are we going to have the Kansas City Puppies playing the Dallas Kittens in a non- contact flag football Super Bowl with Kenny G as halftime entertainment? Let’s get real. We’re a society of wimps.”

Pope Francis’ director of the Holy See Press Office, Father Federico Lombardi, weighed in on the controversy. “The team already calls itself ‘hogs” and fans come dressed up as pigs. Why not call them the Washington Hogs?”

Upon hearing Lombardi’s suggestion, Trump, in true Trumpian form, sarcastically replied, “Well, a lot of fat women might be offended!”

(AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

 

During his address at the Value Voters Summit on Friday, Marco Rubio cut into his prepared speech to break the news of House Speaker John Boehner’s resignation. Immediately upon hearing the word, the crowd erupted into wild applause! Many of the religious conservatives cheered the Speaker’s sudden exit, taking credit for the downfall of a man reviled by the radical right as too liberal to lead.

The conference attendees couldn’t have been more lighthearted and gay … as in happier, that is. Their beloved party would be moving further to the right. Said one Republican, “This just proves that the whole problem with us Republicans is that we’re not conservative enough. Now we may have a chance to get something done!”

Sen. Ted Cruz, another Republican presidential candidate at the conference, hinted that the Senate needs a shake-up as well. “With all due respect to Majority Leader McConnell, he’s a wuss. He needs to grow a pair.” Cruz stopped short of an outright plea to fellow Senate Republicans to ditch Mitch.

The prospect of a more conservative House was too much for some Republicans to handle. “Wow,” rejoiced a conference member, “this is truly a great day! The new leadership’s first order of business should be the repeal of Obamacare.” When reminded that the Boehner-led House passed 56 bills to repeal Obamacare; that every House Republican voted for every single bill; that such a bill could not pass the Senate or survive a presidential veto,  the Republican was asked what more could Boehner have done? “He could have passed a new repeal Obamacare bill ever week,” he said, “56 repeal bills in four years isn’t a heck of a lot!”

Whoever the House Republicans pick as their new leader, you can be sure he will not be conservative enough for a cadre of rabid Republican reps. Their immediate goal seems to be a government shutdown over the funding of Planned Parenthood, something Boehner was opposed to. But the long term goal seems to be no less than to limit the power of the Federal government to just one function … funding the military.

As Saint Reagan famously said, “Government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem!” Oh, the law of unintended consequences! Ronnie must be rolling over.

Post Script: Yesterday, Sen. Ted Cruz won the Values Voter Summit straw poll for the third year in a row . With a whopping 35% in the poll of summit-goers, he finished ahead of runner-up Ben Carson’s 18%. Donald Trump finished a disappointing fifth with 5% support.

Photo | AP/Huffingtonpost.com