Some Republicans Worried Country Not Ready to Elect First Convicted Felon as President

Just as many Democrats are worried the U.S. is not ready to elect its first woman chief executive, some Republicans are fretting over whether the country is prepared to elect its first convicted felon as president.

In a strange twist few saw coming, both parties are attempting a political first in presidential elections.

“It’s not that we’re anti-crime,” said one Republican senator, who chose to remain anonymous. “We just wonder if the country can handle a president who might need to attend parole meetings between Cabinet sessions.”

Some historical perspective, though, might ease their worries. Richard “I am not a crook” Nixon avoided prison by resigning, Warren G. Harding’s administration was a corruption carnival, and Andrew Jackson’s dueling escapades make modern scandals look quaint. As one Harvard political historian put it, “A felon might actually be a refreshing dose of honesty. At least with a conviction, we know what we’re getting.”

One Republican strategist even sees having a convicted felon as the party’s nominee an opportunity, not a problem. “Americans love firsts … the first man on the moon, the first man to fly across the Atlantic, the first McDonalds hamburger. This kinda thing just taps into America’s can-do spirit!”

Public opinion seems divided. In a recent poll, 40% of respondents said they would consider voting for a convicted felon if they aligned with their political beliefs; 40% said it was a step too far, while 20% had no opinion. “I just don’t know,” said one undecided voter. “On one hand, it’s kind of exciting. On the other, do we really want to explain to our kids why the president has to wear an ankle monitor?”

So, will it be a woman who shatters that proverbial “glass ceiling” or a convicted felon? My money is on the felon as some have been known to carry a shiv in their shoe.

Photo | zazzle/ North Star shop