election

White House sources have revealed Trump is prepared to give his concession speech … soon.

Below is the leaked copy:

Four years ago, we won a huge victory against Crooked Hillary, with the biggest electoral college win since Ronald Reagan. On my inauguration day, we witnessed something so beautiful … the largest presidential inauguration crowd in history.

And over the past four years we’ve gotten so much done … more than any other administration. So much winning! We won on the military, we won on taxes, we won on the economy, we won on unemployment, we won on trade deals, we won on deregulation, we won on religion, we won on the wall and we won against the China virus.

And now, after a rigged election, people say I should congratulate Sleepy Joe Biden and concede. But how do you concede when all the courts are saying the election was stolen from us through voter fraud? My attorney, Rudy Giuliani, a big baseball fan, keeps saying “it ain’t over ‘til it’s over.” That’s why we’re fighting so hard for democracy, the rule of law and our Constitution.

If you count only the legal votes, there is no doubt I won. Remember when the fake news media said Hillary got three million more votes than me? If you didn’t count the votes of all those illegal Mexican criminals and rapists in California, I got more votes. Now they say Sleepy Joe got six million more votes than me? More fraud, more fake news.

But even though this election was totally unfair, I have decided to leave the White House on January 20. 2021.

I am hereby announcing my candidacy for president in 2024. I will continue to hold many, many big beautiful rallies.

Our new slogan will be “Make America Great Again … All Over Again”

I am also using the vast powers given me by Article 2 of the Constitution to pardon myself, my friends and my family of any and all potential crimes, from the start of time to infinity.

So, to all patriotic Americans, stand back and stand by until I’m back in your House in four years.

Photo | politico.com

Even though strongman, and former KGB spy, Vladimir Putin, has been declared the overwhelming winner of today’s presidential election, many Russians are still concerned.

No, not of Putin’s victory but of his winning vote count.

The Central Election Commission announced Putin’s victory three minutes after voting “officially” ended. With around 80 percent of the ballots counted, Putin has received approximately 75% of the vote.

Despite reports of ballot-box stuffing and forced voting, it does not appear Putin will match the results of other autocrats who routinely win by incredible margins.

In 2014, North Korea’s state media confirmed Kim Jong-un was the proud recipient of 100% of the country’s vote.

If Putin does not receive at least 90% of the vote, some Russians believe they will have an angry comrade on their hands.

“This would be a big blow to our commandant’s ego after all he did to drive up the vote count,” said one voter who refused to give her name. “Things may not be so good for us if the numbers don’t go up.”

“There could be a cutback in our vodka rations,” said the worried voter.

Asked if she voted for Putin out of her own free will, the voter shook her head. “Nyet, I was offered a free pizza.”

Putin, 65, who has been in power, either as president or prime minister, since 2000 won another six year term.

“He is a strong leader,” said another voter who described himself as an enthusiastic supporter. “He will crush his enemies like a foot on an ant.”

“Look what he’s done to the U.S.,” he added. “Because of our commander’s genius, those ignorant Americans are now stuck with a moron as president. Yes, it cost us many rubles, but it was worth it.”

As of this writing, Putin had not yet received his congratulatory call from Donald Trump.

No doubt Trump will do so as soon as he finishes today’s round of golf.

Photo | standardmedia.co.ke

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