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Trump Calls For Investigation Of Impeachment Vote

December 20, 2019 by John DeProspo Leave a Comment

Alleging foul play, Donald Trump is asking for an investigation of the electronic voting system used in the House of Representatives.

White House sources say Trump believes the only way he could have lost the House vote is for hacking to have occurred. In fact, these same sources say Trump was “shellshocked” when he learned the impeachment vote went against him.

“All my top people told me Nancy didn’t have the votes to impeach,” Trump tweeted today. “This is 100% VOTER FRAUD!”

“Why doesn’t the House take votes like the Senate?” questioned Trump. “Very fishy.”

It should be noted that, unlike the Senate where votes are recorded by roll call, electronic voting is unique to the House due to the fact it is four times larger than the Senate.

One aide, who asked for anonymity, said that when asked what proof he had for his allegation, Trump snapped, “I don’t need proof. I have Barr!”

It has been confirmed that Trump’s Attorney General, William Barr, will be opening an investigation into the alleged hacking of the House voting system. He is expected to hire Kaspersky Lab, a cyber security firm headquartered in Moscow, to handle the probe.

Photo | propublica.org

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: Donald Trump, electronic voting system, fraud, hacking, House, impeachment, investigation, satire, William Barr

Senate Impeachment Trial To Air Pay-Per-View

December 14, 2019 by John DeProspo Leave a Comment

It has been announced that the upcoming impeachment trial of Donald J. Trump in the United States Senate will be available pay-per-view worldwide.

The mother of all pay-per-view events will be coordinated by Vince McMahon, an icon of pay-per-view promotions and a longtime friend of Trump.

“The proceeds from the event will go directly to the U.S. Treasury,” said McMahon. “We expect this spectacle will singlehandedly wipe out our national debt.”

The U.S. House of Representatives is expected next week to vote on, and pass, the two articles of impeachment approved by the House Judiciary Committee yesterday.

Photo | businessinsider.com

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Donald Trump, impeachment, pay-per-view, Senate, trial, Vince McMahon

Trump Threatens To Veto Any Articles Of Impeachment Approved By The House

October 31, 2019 by John DeProspo 2 Comments

It is becoming ever more clear the Democratic-controlled House of Representatives will vote out articles of impeachment against Donald Trump to send to the Senate for trial.

After today’s vote in the House formalizing the procedures of the impeachment inquiry, which passed mostly along party lines (232-196), Donald Trump tweeted the following:

Today the conflicted Democrat House voted against me 232-196. This pathetic display is an unconstitutional attack against your duly elected president that will amount to nothing. I will veto any articles of impeachment that come out of the House. And Little Nancy is too dumb to do the math. She does not have the two-thirds vote to override my veto

It appears White House staff members are too intimidated by their boss to explain to him how the Constitutional impeachment process works.

Photo | thenewyorker.com

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: articles of impeachment, Donald Trump, House, impeachment, veto, vote

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