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Trump Calls For Investigation Of Impeachment Vote

December 20, 2019 by John DeProspo Leave a Comment

Alleging foul play, Donald Trump is asking for an investigation of the electronic voting system used in the House of Representatives.

White House sources say Trump believes the only way he could have lost the House vote is for hacking to have occurred. In fact, these same sources say Trump was “shellshocked” when he learned the impeachment vote went against him.

“All my top people told me Nancy didn’t have the votes to impeach,” Trump tweeted today. “This is 100% VOTER FRAUD!”

“Why doesn’t the House take votes like the Senate?” questioned Trump. “Very fishy.”

It should be noted that, unlike the Senate where votes are recorded by roll call, electronic voting is unique to the House due to the fact it is four times larger than the Senate.

One aide, who asked for anonymity, said that when asked what proof he had for his allegation, Trump snapped, “I don’t need proof. I have Barr!”

It has been confirmed that Trump’s Attorney General, William Barr, will be opening an investigation into the alleged hacking of the House voting system. He is expected to hire Kaspersky Lab, a cyber security firm headquartered in Moscow, to handle the probe.

Photo | propublica.org

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: Donald Trump, electronic voting system, fraud, hacking, House, impeachment, investigation, satire, William Barr

Trump Miffed … Mueller Still Getting Paycheck

January 21, 2018 by John DeProspo Leave a Comment

Donald Trump finally got the government shutdown he wanted. But to his shock and dismay, this does not put the Mueller investigation on ice.

The Justice Department has confirmed that employees in Mueller’s office are exempt from the shutdown and can continue investigating any possible collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia. His office is not funded through the regular congressional appropriations process.

So, the probe Trump continues to call a “witch-hunt” and a “hoax” lives on even as other government functions come to an end.

“There is something very wrong with our government if I can shut it down and people still keep getting paid … they still go on with their work,” Trump told a group of reporters.

Anonymous White House sources have confirmed that Trump believed a government shutdown would end Mueller’s investigation without him having to fire the FBI special prosecutor.

“I am going to get to the bottom of this,” Trump added. “How is this possible? No doubt Crooked Hillary is involved with this.”

Perhaps someone on Trump’s staff might school him on how special counsel investigations are funded.

Trump would learn that special counsel investigations are funded by a separate “permanent indefinite appropriation” established by the Department of Justice Appropriation Act of 1988 to pay for “investigations and prosecutions by independent counsels.” In other words, Congress has already passed the appropriations bill that funds this probe, so no one’s salary is stuck in the Treasury—there is nothing preventing Mueller’s team from going to work and getting paid.

Shorting after hearing the bad news, Trump did what he does best … went golfing.

Photo | rantt.com

Satire Alert!!!

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: collusion, Donald Trump. Robert Mueller, FBI investigation, funding, investigation, satire, shutdown, special counsel, trump Russia

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