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Giuliani Prepares For New Role As MyPillow Pitchman

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Now that his New York law license has been suspended, and facing likely disbarment, Rudy Giuliani can rest easy at night … the “My Pillow Guy,” Mike Lindell, has rescued him from impending financial ruin. Rudy Giuliani will be the new mug in MyPillow commercials.

The former top federal prosecutor and twice-elected New York mayor will be hawking Lindell’s wares on late night cable shows and right-wing media outlets.

“Rudy is a perfect fit for our pillows,” said Lindell. “He has a high approval rating with our typical buyers, people over the age of 75 and the mentally impaired.”

Looking to tap into Giuliani’s recent notoriety, Lindell will be offering a new pillow cover resistant to hair dye.

Some are saying the two staunch Trump supporters were meant to do business together. Giuliani, a Roman Catholic, however, has told Lindell he refuses to wear a giant crucifix around his neck, a Lindell trademark.

Photo | cnn.com

In Exchange For Pardon, Giuliani Offers Lifetime Of Legal Services

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Now that Trump’s pardon power has kicked into high gear, many criminals are lining up to secure a get-out-of-jail-free card from the lame-duck president. But not all lawbreakers are wealthy enough to curry favor with Trump.

One prominent presidential associate, Rudy Giuliani, who faces potential criminal liability once Trump leaves office, is said to be seeking a pre-emptive pardon. While Mr. Giuliani has always been a high earner, he is said to be short on cash … three divorces can deplete anyone’s bank account!

It is being reported that Mr. Giuliani has offered Donald Trump a lifetime of legal services in exchange for a full and complete presidential pardon.

Mr. Giuliani’s services are not cheap. Sources have said he is raking in $20,000 a day representing the Trump campaign in the various lawsuits to overturn the 2020 election. Assuming an 8-hour work day, that comes to $2500 per hour!

The same sources say Trump just might go for the deal.

Photo | washingtonpost.com

As Senate Trial Nears, Trump Set To Call Three Character Witnesses

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We learned today from Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, that Trump’s impeachment trial may start as early as next Tuesday.

Word has it Donald Trump’s legal team is scrambling to prepare his defense. At the suggestion of Trump’s personal lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, three character witnesses will be called by Trump’s legal team to vouch for his good reputation and moral character: Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-un and Recep Erdogan.

Putin, it is being reported, is prepared to say Trump is the model of honesty and probity. In the past, Putin has called Trump, “Greatest U.S.A. president.”

Trump’s love affair with the Korean leader, Kim Jong-un, is well documented. It is expected Kim will repeat his description of Trump as “a most wonderful, handsome and loving dear leader.”

Turkey president Erdogan is also a big fan of Donald Trump. He called Trump, “Allah’s gift to Turkey” after the impulsive commander-in-chief abandoned our allies, the Kurds, in Syria.

Yet some are already questioning the Giuliani-inspired tactic. They point out the three men are obviously beholden to Trump for various favors afforded them in the past. And, oh yes, they are all despots!

Nonetheless, the three strongmen are held in such high esteem by nearly all the Republican senators who will act as jurors at Trump’s impeachment trial that it seems well worth the effort, according to one of Trump’s most trusted advisors, son-in-law Jared Kushner.

Photo | salon.com