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Breaking News … Trump Presidential Library To Be Located In Moscow

October 2, 2019 by John DeProspo 1 Comment

The White House has announced the location of the Donald J. Trump Presidential Library And Arcade. It will occupy the ground floor of the new Trump Moscow Resort and Casino to be built within a stone’s throw of Moscow’s Red Square.

It is being reported that the library will contain all of Mr. Trump’s favorite books, namely the Bible and The Art of the Deal. Trump’s personal collection of Marvel Comics will also be on display.

There will be a food court located in the center of the premises featuring multiple fast food outlets as well as a fun-for-all-ages arcade hall.

One of the library walls will feature a large screen displaying Trump’s voluminous tweets in a continuous loop.

A second wall will be filled with pictures of all the people that worked in the Trump administration who were fired, resigned or imprisoned.

A third wall will be completely covered by photos of all the people, and companies, Trump stiffed over the course of his lifetime.

A fourth wall will contain a long row of exit doors.

Said a White House aide, “Mr. Trump plans to ‘retire’ to Russia and he thought it would be wise to be near his big, beautiful, never-seen-anything-quite-like-it library. It is being predicted the library will become a huge tourist attraction that will give a boost to the Russian economy.”

Sources in the know are saying the entire project will be personally funded by Vladimir V.  Putin.

Photo | rbth.com

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: arcade, Donald Trump, Moscow, Presidential library, Russia, satire

Russian Voters Anxiously Await Final Election Results

March 18, 2018 by John DeProspo Leave a Comment

Even though strongman, and former KGB spy, Vladimir Putin, has been declared the overwhelming winner of today’s presidential election, many Russians are still concerned.

No, not of Putin’s victory but of his winning vote count.

The Central Election Commission announced Putin’s victory three minutes after voting “officially” ended. With around 80 percent of the ballots counted, Putin has received approximately 75% of the vote.

Despite reports of ballot-box stuffing and forced voting, it does not appear Putin will match the results of other autocrats who routinely win by incredible margins.

In 2014, North Korea’s state media confirmed Kim Jong-un was the proud recipient of 100% of the country’s vote.

If Putin does not receive at least 90% of the vote, some Russians believe they will have an angry comrade on their hands.

“This would be a big blow to our commandant’s ego after all he did to drive up the vote count,” said one voter who refused to give her name. “Things may not be so good for us if the numbers don’t go up.”

“There could be a cutback in our vodka rations,” said the worried voter.

Asked if she voted for Putin out of her own free will, the voter shook her head. “Nyet, I was offered a free pizza.”

Putin, 65, who has been in power, either as president or prime minister, since 2000 won another six year term.

“He is a strong leader,” said another voter who described himself as an enthusiastic supporter. “He will crush his enemies like a foot on an ant.”

“Look what he’s done to the U.S.,” he added. “Because of our commander’s genius, those ignorant Americans are now stuck with a moron as president. Yes, it cost us many rubles, but it was worth it.”

As of this writing, Putin had not yet received his congratulatory call from Donald Trump.

No doubt Trump will do so as soon as he finishes today’s round of golf.

Photo | standardmedia.co.ke

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: comrade, congratulatory phone call, Donald Trump, election, Russia, Vladimir Putin, vote margin, winner

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