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As Senate Trial Nears, Trump Set To Call Three Character Witnesses

January 14, 2020 by John DeProspo 2 Comments

We learned today from Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, that Trump’s impeachment trial may start as early as next Tuesday.

Word has it Donald Trump’s legal team is scrambling to prepare his defense. At the suggestion of Trump’s personal lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, three character witnesses will be called by Trump’s legal team to vouch for his good reputation and moral character: Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-un and Recep Erdogan.

Putin, it is being reported, is prepared to say Trump is the model of honesty and probity. In the past, Putin has called Trump, “Greatest U.S.A. president.”

Trump’s love affair with the Korean leader, Kim Jong-un, is well documented. It is expected Kim will repeat his description of Trump as “a most wonderful, handsome and loving dear leader.”

Turkey president Erdogan is also a big fan of Donald Trump. He called Trump, “Allah’s gift to Turkey” after the impulsive commander-in-chief abandoned our allies, the Kurds, in Syria.

Yet some are already questioning the Giuliani-inspired tactic. They point out the three men are obviously beholden to Trump for various favors afforded them in the past. And, oh yes, they are all despots!

Nonetheless, the three strongmen are held in such high esteem by nearly all the Republican senators who will act as jurors at Trump’s impeachment trial that it seems well worth the effort, according to one of Trump’s most trusted advisors, son-in-law Jared Kushner.

Photo | salon.com

Filed Under: satire Tagged With: character witnesses, Donald Trump, Erdogan, impeachment, Kim Jong-un, putin, Republicans, Rudy Giuliani, satire, Senate, trial

Senate Impeachment Trial To Air Pay-Per-View

December 14, 2019 by John DeProspo Leave a Comment

It has been announced that the upcoming impeachment trial of Donald J. Trump in the United States Senate will be available pay-per-view worldwide.

The mother of all pay-per-view events will be coordinated by Vince McMahon, an icon of pay-per-view promotions and a longtime friend of Trump.

“The proceeds from the event will go directly to the U.S. Treasury,” said McMahon. “We expect this spectacle will singlehandedly wipe out our national debt.”

The U.S. House of Representatives is expected next week to vote on, and pass, the two articles of impeachment approved by the House Judiciary Committee yesterday.

Photo | businessinsider.com

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Donald Trump, impeachment, pay-per-view, Senate, trial, Vince McMahon

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