Photo | Sergei Chirikov/Associated Press
They’re All Turning On Him
Trump Discusses “Abdication” With Putin
In their historic and unprecedented one-on-one meeting today in Helsinki, Donald Trump discussed his exit strategy with Russian dictator Vladimir Putin. News of the clandestine tête-à-tête was provided to the Associated Press by the sole interpreter at the event just hours before his mysterious disappearance.
Sergei Romanov, the interpreter, told the AP that is was Trump’s desire to seek asylum in Russia. Putin suggested a beautiful country estate in Siberia for Trump and his family. Romanov indicated it did not appear Trump knew the location or history of Siberia … an area primarily known for its long, harsh winters and its prison camps.
Asked for comment, both Trump and Putin denied they discussed Trump’s renunciation of his position as capo of the American government. Instead, the coordinated message is that the two men discussed Russian adoptions.
This is a developing story. More to come if, and when, Sergei Romanov is located.
Photo | politico.com
Russian Voters Anxiously Await Final Election Results
Even though strongman, and former KGB spy, Vladimir Putin, has been declared the overwhelming winner of today’s presidential election, many Russians are still concerned.
No, not of Putin’s victory but of his winning vote count.
The Central Election Commission announced Putin’s victory three minutes after voting “officially” ended. With around 80 percent of the ballots counted, Putin has received approximately 75% of the vote.
Despite reports of ballot-box stuffing and forced voting, it does not appear Putin will match the results of other autocrats who routinely win by incredible margins.
In 2014, North Korea’s state media confirmed Kim Jong-un was the proud recipient of 100% of the country’s vote.
If Putin does not receive at least 90% of the vote, some Russians believe they will have an angry comrade on their hands.
“This would be a big blow to our commandant’s ego after all he did to drive up the vote count,” said one voter who refused to give her name. “Things may not be so good for us if the numbers don’t go up.”
“There could be a cutback in our vodka rations,” said the worried voter.
Asked if she voted for Putin out of her own free will, the voter shook her head. “Nyet, I was offered a free pizza.”
Putin, 65, who has been in power, either as president or prime minister, since 2000 won another six year term.
“He is a strong leader,” said another voter who described himself as an enthusiastic supporter. “He will crush his enemies like a foot on an ant.”
“Look what he’s done to the U.S.,” he added. “Because of our commander’s genius, those ignorant Americans are now stuck with a moron as president. Yes, it cost us many rubles, but it was worth it.”
As of this writing, Putin had not yet received his congratulatory call from Donald Trump.
No doubt Trump will do so as soon as he finishes today’s round of golf.
Photo | standardmedia.co.ke