Top 10 Reasons Why Carly Fiorina Will Never Be President

After last week’s second Republican presidential debate, the most glowing reviews were for Carly Fiorina. Her impressive showing came on the heels of her winning performance in the first debate, albeit while at “the kid’s table,” (Carly On The Rise).

In the most recent CNN/ORC poll, Ms. Fiorina has shot up to second place among Republican presidential hopefuls with 15 per cent support, trailing only Donald Trump whose support slipped to 24 per cent.

But with a rise in profile comes an increase in scrutiny. There are a number of skeletons in Ms. Fiorina’s closet that will soon be made public, any one of which could derail her bid for the presidency.

Here are the Top 10 reasons why Carly Fiorina will never be president:

1. Declared bankruptcy twice while operating her lemonade stand as a young girl
2. Falsely accused her college roommate of having genital herpes after she stole her boyfriend.
3. Doesn’t like puppies
4. Secretly chews tobacco
5. As a teenager, boiled her sister’s bunny in a fit of rage
6. Was named “Most Likely To Be Mean” by her high school class
7. Palled around with Bella Abzug in the 1970s
8. Cheats at Words with Friends
9. When called “as cold as ice” by an employee at HP, the employee was successfully sued for defamation by “ice.”
10. Pees standing up

Yes, like Herman Cain and Michelle Bachmann before her, Ms. Fiorina will have her 15 minutes of fame. But her star will soon fade. While the current crop of Republican voters may forgive a candidate many things, one fact cannot be overlooked. What sicko doesn’t love puppies!

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