On the heals of a new bill signed into law by Indiana Gov. Mike Pence, which bans abortions sought because of fetal genetic abnormalities, the state’s Republican-controlled legislature is poised to outlaw masturbation; male masturbation, to be exact.
The new anti-masturbation bill, which Gov. Pence has promised to sign once it reaches his desk, makes it a crime for a man to sow his seed without regard to procreation.
“Masturbation is murder,” said Indiana legislative leader, Harold Handler.
“It is not just murder of the sperm but also of the spirit. Masturbation is a sin,” claimed Handler. “Sin marks the demise of the soul unless you are saved by Jesus.”
When confronted with the biological fact that masturbation is not conception but just the releasing of cells from your body and that only when a sperm is united with a woman’s egg does a new life begin, Handler replied, “The Bible says that it is better for your seed to fall in the belly of a whore than on the ground. This shows that, according to God, the act of masturbation is more sinful than the act of prostitution or adultery.”
“But if you’re talking about murdering the sperm, “I asked, “You might as well say that a woman having her period is murder because her body gets rid of the egg?”
Handler replied that there currently is a bill in subcommittee tackling that very issue.
When asked why he would sign such an unenforceable and clearly unconstitutional bill, Gov. Pence replied, “It is our job as elected officials to protect the sanctity of life… all life. And that is exactly what this bill does.”
“Why has American influence been on a downward spiral over the last few decades?” asked Gov. Pence. “Because of the increase in pornography, masturbation, and the proliferation of perverts in our nation. America has lost its moral compass. It is losing its masculine Christian essence because our youth are being allowed to spill their seed wherever they desire. We must stop it.”
When questioned how such a law could possibly be enforced, the governor replied, ”We know it will be difficult, especially in the privacy of one’s home. But any public masturbation will be met with a stiff fine, and in rare cases, jail time. Do you have any idea how many men masturbate in theaters?”
The new anti-abortion law has stirred-up a hornet’s nest among women. If this new anti-masturbation law goes into effect, you can be sure men will not just sit on there hands.
(AP Photo/Darron Cummings)