Yesterday, former Texas Gov. Rick Perry announced the end of his 2016 presidential campaign at an event in St. Louis, Missouri.
“Unlike my 2012 run, I tried my best this time around,” said the weary-looking Republican. “I studied up real hard on foreign policy, domestic policy, you name it, but it wasn’t good enough.” Perry’s ranking in most national polls never got above 2%.
Perry stated there were three reasons why he was abandoning his quest for the presidency.
“One,” said Perry, “my campaign is flat broke. I just don’t have the guns to go up against the big boys … and girl. I’m not a billionaire like Donald Trump. Two, the whole glasses thing didn’t work. It seemed like a good idea at the time but no one bought that I was smarter than the last go-round. And three, ah, ah, and three…I forgot. Oops!”
Members from the audience tried to help the forgetful Perry by shouting out potential third reasons. “You’re just not presidential material?” someone offered. “You’re just another Texas dim-wit?” was also heard.
After apologizing to the audience for another “oops” moment, Perry observed, “”We have a tremendous field – the best in a generation – so I step aside knowing our party is in good hands, and as long as we listen to the grassroots, the cause of conservatism will be too.”
When Perry was asked if he would be endorsing any of the remaining candidates, he replied coyly, “I may endorse Jeb or Scott or Carly or Marco. I’ll have to wait to see what my handlers tell me.”
Photo | Reuters